Wednesday, August 18, 2010

What Experts Won’t Tell You About Preventing Identity Theft

By "Pintface" Pete Bogs/BogsBlog

ID theft is rampant, and so are articles dispensing advice on how to keep it from happening to you. While these are admirable and mostly helpful, there are some obvious tactics they consistently ignore:

Add some dirty diapers, broken glass, rancid dairy products, hepatitis C-tainted syringes and/or anything else generally considered repulsive to every bag of garbage – preferably right on top before you tie it up. (At the very least, you’ll make stealing your identity a memorable experience for the thief.)

Buy a document shredder at an office supply store. Then turn it on and shove a would-be identity thief’s fingers into it while it’s running.

When using an ATM, gas pump, debit card machine, etc., keep a loaded gun in your palm and use it to threaten anyone you suspect of trying to get a glimpse of your card number and/or PIN. It’s your Second Amendment right (USA readers only).

Avoid using banks. Your money is safest in an old shoebox – made of fireproof cardboard – underneath your bed, where identity thieves (and the gubmint) can’t get at it.

Use cash for everything – including buying overpriced drinks on “cashless” JetBlue and Delta airlines. I find that goading flight attendants can be very fruitful, and will only occasionally get you arrested at the arrival gate.

I hope these tips help protect you from becoming a victim of identity theft!


boneman said...

Again, I unfurled the Flag, though some asked, "Is it too soon?"
I unfuled it the other night, beneath a bright full moon.

The howling loud, the gnashing teeth, "How could you disgrace us!?"
cried out all of the politicians from their limos at my bus.
"Screw YOU!" says I,"You've done us WRONG!"
And if I could, I'de make it a song!!

By gosh, not such a bad idea , that.
And we all sat around and laughed as the politicians shat!

(What flag unfurled? The one you helped create, sir. And if there's money to be made, I guarantee you a healthy share!)

Pete Bogs said...

boney - Nice to see you've adopted the use of my "Republicants" term. I have nothing but bad things to say to politicians right now, too.