Thursday, May 01, 2008

The Smoking Egg Roll

I now have proof positive - in the form of a smoking egg roll - that China is conducting an unconventional war against the United States through tainted consumer goods. They are trying to sicken us all - adults, children, and even pets.

I recently bought a package clearly labeled “vegetable egg rolls” at my local supermarket. Later, I was well through eating one of the “vegetable egg rolls” when I detected a strange taste and decided to look inside. The damned thing had chicken in it!

I don’t eat dead things, and was quite disgusted. These weren’t big chunks of chicken, mind you, but small pieces like you’d get in a packet of instant soup, otherwise I would‘ve noticed sooner.

Yes, the war has now hit me in my own home, and I am pissed.

I should also add that on more than one occasion I have bitten into an appetizer spring roll at a Chinese restaurant, only to find chicken or some such substance inside, after being assured it contained no dead animal pieces. “No meat. Just vestible (sic). Only vestible.”

See? Those are two pretty damning “pieces” of evidence right there, if I do say so myself.

So what if those prepackaged egg rolls are made in Texas? So what if most of the people working in Chinese restaurants here are actually Korean? My initial assertion regarding China is sound.

China, I am on to you!

PS: I sent the maker of the aforementioned packaged egg rolls an email through their website, but never received a response from them. I want some free shit, people!

PSS: Boycott the 2008 Summer Olympics, free Tibet, yadda yadda yadda.

PSSST: I recently bought a video camera and am considering posting all-singing, all-dancing, all-nude, all-talking video blogs here. At long last my shameful physical deformities and severe speech impediment will be revealed to the blogosphere. This could be fun!