Monday, October 20, 2008

Fragmentia Monday: The Buffet Is Open!

From the momentous to the mundane, there’s lots here to talk about, people. If you don’t have something to say about at least one of these items, what good are ye?

I find the Wall Street bailout ironic and hypocritical. You have some of the very same politicians who regularly dismiss the notion of helping out the little guy (aka Main Street) with so-called entitlements rushing to help the big guy (aka Wall Street)?! But Pete, you say, by helping those big guys we’ll ultimately help the little guys! So, we are willing to assist the little guys, but only indirectly – through the big guys? Folks, I believe seeing CEOs walk away from their companies with $20 million while rank-and-file employees are being laid off dispels the myth of trickle-down economics for all time. It just don’t happen! And the government buying banks? Where are the accusations of socialism now? Now?

By the way, what’s with Bush pushing this bailout on Congress while at the same time wanting to
veto food stamps and unemployment from a second stimulus package? See the big guy/little guy thing again.

Is it dangerous for chocolate Labradors to lick or chew themselves?

Mr. Blackwell, originator of the “worst-dressed list” for public figures, has
died. I wonder how the undertaker will dress him?

If you are selling food or beverages in three different sizes, by law you should only be allowed to name them “small,” “medium” and “large,” respectively. None of this “medium/large/giant” crap! The smallest size of anything cannot be “medium!” Pizza places, you are the worst offenders. (Two sizes? "Small" and "large." That wasn't hard, was it?)

Speaking of pizza, I believe “left-over pizza” to be oxymoronic. It's certainly apocryphal in my home.

Another food-related law I am proposing is the Lid Standardization Doctrine (LSD). Some salad dressing bottles have a small opening that allows you to pour the dressing over your salad in small, controlled bursts; this wonderful invention gives you maximum control over amount and distribution. The other kind of bottle has no such opening, just a 1.25 inch opening that – if you believe yourself to be opening the other kind of bottle and pour too quickly – may cause you to empty the entire contents over one bowl of salad. Not that I’ve ever done this. But I believe the producers of these products are 1) deliberately trying to make us look foolish and 2) trying to get us to use up dressing quickly so that we will buy more. It's an outrage!

Never forget: When you presume you make a pres out of u and me.

The release of a new Playstation game has been
delayed because of objections over passages from the Koran being used in some of the background music. The game will now be released without the offending words. Who knew some Muslims could be so touchy? I mean, they’re typically so levelheaded when their holy writings are used in popular culture.

Only the first sneeze in any series of sneezes should be given a “God bless you!” by those within earshot. Beyond that is overkill.

Some 1,500 raccoon dogs(?) bred in China for their fur have
died from eating tainted food. Do I really need to add anything more to this?


A Chinese official involved in the building of Olympic facilities has been sentenced to death for corruption. They may commute the sentence to life in prison if he behaves himself. I still can’t believe anyone does anything like this in China. The stakes are too high.

I can no longer abide the blending of (American) sports bar and Irish pub. Each premise is strong enough to stand on its own. Take your fucking NFL team jerseys off the wall and put the Tri-Colour back up there, lest I box your ears, purveyor of said public house! (This kind of) miscegenation is wrong, wrong and terribly wrong!

Don’t talk to me, near me or about me when I am in the toilet.

I am tired of people giving me funny looks when I walk with an open umbrella on sunny days.

I am against home births except in instances of C-section.

I seek the elimination of all parking fines save for parking in a handicapped space when able-bodied or blocking a street or driveway. I am so... super... serial. Further, I would seriously increase fines for multi-space parking. Some people consider their first attempt at parking in a space their only attempt. Back your lazy ass up and straighten out the car, chief. Slogans to promote this new statute include: “One Vehicle, One Parking Space” and “Over The Line? Pay The Fine!”

The determination of when a restaurant meal is coming to a close should be when the last person is finishing the meal, not the first. I sometimes eat fast; that shouldn’t give any server the cue to start talking about dessert or offering a take-home box to a dining companion who is obviously only halfway through eating his/her meal. Not so fast, Garcon!

I believe that most people can do better in most things but are simply too lazy, proud or stupid to do so.

Snowflakes are God’s dandruff.

On-Star’s
Automatic Crash Response feature is a mixed blessing. Let’s say you’ve had a drink or two, are driving down a dark road one night and run into a tree, mildly damaging both the bark and your car, but leaving the latter completely drivable. On-Star senses the collision and automatically dispatches 911 emergency service to you. In another time you would’ve been able to shake it off, get back in your car and proceed cautiously on your way. Now we have so-called “safety features” ratting on us? Narcs, man, narcs!

How is it time machines seem to not only transport their occupants to eras when something significant was happening, but also to those exact places as well? 1492? Wow, we’re aboard the Santa Maria! 1776? I think some Redcoat just fired a musket at me! Who says going back to 1776 wouldn’t place you in the very same space you occupy in the present? Or in the middle of a 1776 desert where absolutely nothing is going on? Or at the top of a mountain? I think movies may be lying to us! And I believe any such devices should henceforth rightly be called “time and space machines.”

When you come to a fork in the road, be careful not to hurt your foot or puncture a tire.

I believe – and I am again 100% serious on this – that there ought to be a new law prohibiting the "obstruction of the progress of mankind.” Meaning, a disease is about to be cured but your pharmaceutical firm stands to lose billions, so you pay off the researchers to scuttle their discovery. Or a viable electric car is developed, and overnight oil companies and/or other car companies get it pulled back from its owners, destroyed and never spoken of again. (That one really happened, by the way.) Interfering with anything that will make the world a significantly better place should be considered a high crime, with those responsible facing 20 years to life. With all the petty kinds of shit that are illegal, this is a major oversight.

If your eyes are bigger than your stomach, you're probably a mutant.

If anyone – man, woman or child – challenges your right to vote on November 4, punch them square in the jaw. Then tell 'em Pete sent ya!

When it comes to taxes remember this: It’s not your money, it’s our money. So give me our goddamn PIN so I can go get some cash to spend at another stupid sports bar-Irish pub!

18 comments:

Liberal Banana said...

You walk around carrying an umbrella when it's sunny? I had no idea you were an elderly Asian woman, Bogs!

Would the C-section at home be done with a butter knife? (Ewwwww.)

Amen brotha on the cup sizes. Small, medium, large. Done and done.

What the hell is a raccoon dog? If there was any cross-species breeding going on, I'm going to be even more freaked out than I already am that they're skinning dogs for fur. (They're not just for dinner anymore!)

LeftLeaningLady said...

Wow, Pete, I am a little overwhelmed, so forgive me if I ramble in my comments.

It took me a minute on the labrador comment, but then I laughed out loud.

I HAVE spilled an entire bottle of dressing onto one salad, although thousand island is usually too chunky to rush out.

I say God Bless You only after a 30 second delay following the LAST sneeze, therefore covering them all.

What IS a raccoon dog?

I talk on the phone and use the toilet all the time. Why else would you need a cordless phone?

On the serious side, I have seen reports on the cars that were built that would have gotten us off our foreign oil dependency long ago & you are correct. They were abolished by Detroit. I just had this (loud) discussion in the bar last week, with some jerk who finds drilling offshore acceptable. I can't find anything on the story now, though, so if you know where to find the info please let me know.

Hmmm, maybe if my comments weren't so blasted long, I would have time to post myself.

Jack K. said...

Wow, Pete, you sure flushed the old brain with this one.

Just a couple of comments here.

Traveling back from our trip East earlier this month we stopped for lunch at a Subway sandwich shop located in a Pilot gas station. Two issues arose. #1, no place to sit and enjoy. #2, the small cup would hold about 24 ounces. When asked about the size being so large, the young woman made some comment that we could just stop at another Pilot station down the road so we could Pee. Say What!?! Snerx!

The rest of the story-we thought we would be able to stop at a rest area and eat our lunch. After driving several miles down the road with no luck we stopped and parked in a parking lot for a restaurant that was out of business and enjoyed our lunch. We then proceeded down the road another five miles where we found a rest area. What a relief, until we saw that the rest rooms were closed. Oh well.

It did provide some comic relief.

I join you in imploring/demanding/requesting/ordering folks to get out and VOTE!!!

K9 said...

you missed all the charges of socialism bogshond! the big dogs socialize loss to us and keep the spoils a free market for the elite. the bailout is a coup by the richy riches and we just stand there and take it like steers in a feedlot.

let's see: the taxpayers are shook down to give banks money so they can lend our own money back to us with interest charges.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrowwwwwwwllllllllll

back later on the other stuff

Pete Bogs said...

LB - good to see ya!

the umbrella is to keep melanomas from forming on my bald head...

I had never heard of a raccoon dog either... after some research I found out it's not a canine, but much closer to a raccoon... still, the fur breeding... and the tainted food... can't China make anything that doesn't kill???

LLL - see above on the raccoon dog... there is a film called "Who Killed The Eletric Car?" you should see it, and so should I...

JACK - you nailed it on the head - I'd been saving up some of this for awhile... decided to make it one huge 1200-word treatise...

on drinks, we live in a world with "Super" Big Gulps... apparently we weren't gulping enough?

K9 - I am talking to the proponents of this bailout - and there are many... McCain goes around talking about Obama being socialist... a whole lot of politicians are, based on this financial deal...

come back soon w/more comments! as I wrote, there's lots to talk about here...

LeftLeaningLady said...

Pete, I googled that movie and it looks like a good one. I mentioned it to my friend and she said she has it in her Netflix queue. So it is definitely available for rent.

Pete Bogs said...

LLL - I've read about it, but will certainly have to see it... I've stayed away because I know seeing it will make me MAD!

dianne said...

Well Pete mo love there sure is a lot of reading to do here. Where do I start? Might have to do this in two hits.
Yes that really irks me when people take up two parking spaces and dont stay within the lines. Worst still is when you park your own car within the lines and come back and some moron has parked so close to your drivers door you cant get it open. So you go around to the passenger door and have to climb across the centre console, gear stick and hand brake. Try doing that in a tight skirt. Ouch! I did myself an injury there. I think the warning signs for these lazy asses would be a great idea, plus a fine.

Yes an Irish pub is an Irish pub, not a sports bar, its for drinking Guinness and beer, great craic,some music and dancing if its like the one I've been to and the the tri-colour flag. ;)

Would anything the Chinese did surprise you, is there anything they wouldn't exploit or eat, even those chocolate Labradors had better watch out. I'm sure the Chinese would find a spot in their food chain for them or sell them as some novelty item.

If I had a time machine I would like to visit many places but mostly I would like to go back to my twenties, with the knowledge I have now and re-invent my future. :) ♥ xoxoxox

boneman said...

well, dang! When you got a post this big....well, it just goes to getting a beer out'a the fridge and here's a comment on everything you put down.
Well, sort'a...

well? Hey, that beer ain't gonna drink itself. Go get it, I'll wait here for ya...
(whistles...)

OK, I'm gonna go at it backwards, cause, well, that's who I am?
So......don't go punching any women and children, Pete. They try to stop you, just push'em aside as if they were in the way to the bar.

I had heard that a plant's real stomach was actually the crown of a plant. You know, right at the base of the plant as it sinks into the ground. Great shades of Robert Fulghum, danged ol' potatoe plants might actually have eyes bigger than its stomach. (Don't Bend Over on the Garden Granny, Them Taters got Eyes!) Nice plant, really. Poke a split tater in the ground, let it make a round shrub that flowers most of summer. When the flowrs drop, you got taters!
I'll bet'cha lil Danny Quail grows some.

Now, was that the EV-1 you were referring to?
Those dummies! Chevy might be one of those companies that need a Being a Dummy for Dummies book, no doubt.
And they wouldn't sell them for love or money, either.
I sort'a figured they found a major flaw in them and knew they had to bail or get sued.
There is an answer, but, nobody wants to play that game....I'll drop it on ya again.
Stop driving.
Just stop driving.
Stop driving your SUV all alone, your ATVs and yoour really really fast motorboat so you can drag some dipstick on sticks around in circles on the water.
Stop driving your Ram Dodge truck (by yourself) to the closest McDonalds for a cheesburger and fries and a chocolate shake.
Like you needed another chocolate shake!
Stop flying around the world being some moron that says, 'yeah. I'm from America. We don't give a flying floop how much gas is left, we want it....'
Stop driving around!
Public transportation is future workforce.

When I see a fork in the road, I generally pick it up. Hey, you just never know when you might come to some food inthe road and need that fork, eh?

Now, as for 'Time Machines' well, I just happen to have one upstairs.
It runs really quiet, too. I use it to transport myself to the future.
Sure, sure...some folks call it a bed, but, I'm a romantic.

ON-STAR'S answer of alerting the government is dead wrong, Boggs (the extra 'G' is for Guiness. If you're dry, go get another...I'll wait here.
(whistles....

National average is simple, and been pretty steady despite clowns that try to skew numbers to prove their points.
About 45000 people will die every year due to transportation devices.
A clean third (15000) will be because of a drunk. Or will be THE drunk, but, it hasn't cjanged much because these are 1976 figures (that's when I looked them up0 and I haven't looked them up again since then, but, to tis day, when they come on TV and say what the averages are...it's the same.
So, I figure, do away with punitve drunk driving charges. They'll take care of themselves.
Eventually.
Hey....this being Halloween, lemmee tell you the scary part.
30000 people just say the same thing, "I lost control"
What!?! Hell, that's as bad as the drunk! Geez, if you CAN'T drive DON'T drive.
My thought is, third accident? Lose your licsense for life.
Jesus watch how nice people drive then!

Wait...did you say snowflakes are God's dandruff?
Man, I told you I would wait for you...go get that beer!
(whistles....probably something from Carl Stalling)

OK, well, a little late, perhaps. 57 and still trying to improve. Summer trying, some are not.

And, dang! I'm with you on that one, for sure. Don't get between me and m'food, cause I eat like there's no tomorrow.
And I like it like that. Then i sit and drink my coffee, ("yes, please, I'll have some more....") for maybe an hour or so...("yes, please, I'll have some more....") but sometimes it seems waitresses and waiters have one purpose and that's to interupt..excuse me, ("yes, please, I'll have some more,...") dang! Bring the coffee, keep it coming till I leave, there's a good tip in it for ya.
It's why I eat at home alot.
Well, that and one day some kid looked over while i was eating and he started screaming bloody murder. His Mom had to drag him out kicking and screaming about some monster eating there....

Parking pigs? Oh, poo. I gotta cure for that. It's an 84 Ford pickup truck with more rust than skin. I park so close to clowns like that and get out the passenger side door (after my passenger gets out, of course) that the fact that they used two spaces WITH me is what has happened. (you should see them shriek when they get back to their Escalade, then...)

You know, Ithink I read where most women go along with the take that take the baby out at home theory.
Or, take it out in the cab theory. Or take it out at the hospital theory. Or even take the baby out in the middle af Marshall Fields Shopping Center in the middle of the day, but, take it out! Take It Out! TAKE IT OUT!

Umbrellas, huh?
Well, open your fly, hang your dick out, Pete, they'll never notice your umbrella. Never have to hear about that again.

Marty Feldman had the same feeling as you. All his life all he heard was (banging on the bathroom door) "Hey! Come out'a there! When you give someone else a chance?! (bang bang bang!) You been in there for hours!"
(Young Frankenstein)

I dunno what 'tri-color' means, but, heck. Hang then with the NFL. And the colleges, too. Looks more colorful.
And, keep the TV tuned to Matlock, will ya? I haven't seen this episode....

In Texas, a person can still pull a life sentence for having an ounce of marijuanna. And, there are plenty of folks in prison there that will attest to that fact.
A weed. Grows and you pick it, dry it, make brownies....
Despite the fact that nearly a third of the state smokes pot at least once a month doesn't deter them, either. New convictions every year. China?! Hell, we got it going on here.
95 million people in teh US smoke pot at least once a month.
Almost a third.

I see you're suggesting to not buy raccoon coats from China. they may not be what you bargained for?
I agree.

When it comes to sneezing, I give it a moment, then give it the ol'"God Bless you..." then, if i see they're trying to sneeze again? I tell them I won't bless them a second time and they might go to hell if they sneeze. They usually start gigging and then, no more sneezes.

Most focus on postsume, since presumed is almost as bad as assume, and, quite presumtuous, anyway. Postsume is focusing on the past. It isn't any better, I think.
Since we can't presume, and shouldn't assume, and, well, postsume is just backwards, it's probably best not to think at all, eh?

I cook with italian dressing. The word 'slather' is familiar, yes? I usually pry that little neat button the heck out of the way.

If by 'apocryphal', you mean singing hymns while we pack what isn't eaten back in the box well...no.
Pack it in, Steve eats his for breakfast, cold.
I nuke mine for lunch. As a matter of fact, that's what's on the menu, today!

Gee. That's really a tough break having to say, "Giant," when ordering your drink.
or fries...
whatever.
Did I mention that today, some 20000 people will starve to death?
Bring that to a party...be the first in the room to create a black hole.
'Course, there's always green beans cooked in mushroom soup and sprinkled with cruncy canned onions. Or Polish mistakes. (POund of sausage, pound of ground round, pound of velveeta, smeered on a mini rye bread, then pound on my heart till I come to)

OK...hopefully a polyester 3 piece suit, Carnaby shirt, colorful tie in a big ol' windsor knot, pointy Beatle boots....

OK, Pete. There's no chocolate lab there...it's all in your imagination. Get another beer. I'll wait. (hi...how you doin'? Been hanging around Pete's for long?...oh. He's back. See ya)

You know, I knew we were in trouble when I saw Bush junior and Pelosi crying on each others shoulders, patting each others behinds. But, I don't think it's called 'socialism' when the government helps big business as it screws us.
Sounds more like rape and pillage and the government is the Keystone Kops. Lots of humor for the big screen, another butt reaming for us.

Otherwise known as....
Business as Usual.

Wow! That was fun!
Let's do it some more!

WHEEEE!!!!

boneman said...

...`course, then again...I could be wrong.

Pete Bogs said...

dianne - thanks for taking the time to read this rambling 1200-word post... I've never had to climb over the centre console in a skirt; it was more of a kilt, actually...

boney - oh no you ditten! wow, your comment may actually be longer than my post! thank you for thinking of my beverage needs!

dianne said...

Aye! I like a man in a kilt. :) ♥ xo

Pete Bogs said...

boney PS - the Tri-Colour is the Irish flag...

dianne said...

I'm back again, I said I would be. Yes the tri-colour flag and what a beautiful flag it is, I have one and drape it around me on St Patrick's day. :)

Thats a good idea walking around with an umbrella to keep the sun off your head, all those people will be sorry they stared 'cause you will keep your youthful looks and no sun damage. Lots of folks do that here. :)

If I was out with you for dinner and hadn't finished my meal, because I eat small and slowly,and you had finished well if Garcon started to wave the dessert menu in your face I would tell him to 'hop it'. Lol, I wont be rushed. :)

I'm not going to buy into the politics of your country because I dont know enough about them. Your politics and the financial situation is on our news every day and things here aren't going well as far as the finance crisis is concerned, but I think it is a global problem now. :(

I think many cures and drugs have been suppressed in the interest of those who would make more money and benefit from it. Thats just scandalous. :(

If I came to a fork in the road I would probably pick it up, it might just be the one that's gone missing from my cutlery service. :)

Cup sizes should stick to small, medium and large unless we're talking about bras. :)

Left over pizza...hmmm, not a good idea, most taste like the cardboard box they come in anyway. better to go to an Italian restaurant. :)

If your eyes are bigger than your stomach then you might be too greedy. :(

The Automatic Crash Response is a mixed blessing, it seems Big Brother is watching us everywhere.
Probably even when I'm in a public toilet...who knows...and no I dont like anyone talking to me when I'm in the toilet, its the only time I get to sit down alone in peace. Lol..

Yes the first sneeze should only get the 'God Bless You' as some people go on forever. :)

I never presume anything if I can help it and I'm not presuming that snowflakes are Gods dandruff, I would need more proof of both. :)

I dont know anything about the new PlayStation, sorry. :(

I am against home births including C-sections as they are far too messy and I wouldn't want have to clean up. :(

And I believe more people can do better in most things they just dont know that they can and are afraid to try. :)

Well Pete my love I think that's it but I wont presume it is. :)♥xox

Pete Bogs said...

thank you, dianne, and everyone else who validate my madness, er, I mean brilliance here...

Lil Bit said...

LOL, those are great Pete!

... and chocolate comes from brown cows, don't tell me any diff! LOL

*sneezing 3x in a row & blessing myself once*
Why do I need to be blessed when I sneeze anyway? The ole heart can take a millisecond skip w/o impending doom, can't it?

Lil Bit said...

LOL, not chocolate.... chocolate MILK, damn, I hate it when my fingers can't keep up w/my brain. LOL

Pete Bogs said...

lil bit - I know what ya meant! you just go on believing that!