Tuesday, October 30, 2007

The Whistle Ain’t The Only Thing That Blows

A teenage girl at a Florida high school was recently suspended for reporting to her principal a rumor that a female teacher was having sex with a special education student. The accusation turned out to be true; the teacher was arrested and has since posted bail. Oops!

To me this story illustrates the need to protect whistleblowers, whether they are a high school student, a member of the press, military or government employee. Sadly, related legislation is currently being stalled by a Republicant member of Congress.

So much for protecting the victim and punishing the guilty, eh?

This incident also brings up a pet issue of mine, and that is the light treatment female sexual predators get in comparison to their male counterparts. I recently watched an episode of South Park that summed up our society's reaction to this phenomenon as I see it: When told of an inappropriate relationship between a female teacher and a young male student, the police not only don’t pursue the case but express envy. When the teacher ultimately has to publicly admit what she’d done, she blames it on alcoholism, and the public quickly forgives her.

As for the principal who didn’t listen, my suggested penalty is suspension without pay. What could be more appropriate?

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Homeless Got Your Goat?

San Francisco has recently had success clearing troublesome homeless people from area parks, thanks to the goat. Goats have been brought to these parks to eat the tall grass, which the former homeless, er, residents would typically use for cover. With no place to park their shopping carts, the homeless have moved on to new accommodations.

The goat strategy has been so successful that now Frisco's city fathers are thinking of taking it to the next level: breeding carnivorous goats with a taste for human flesh, a la Mason Verger, and unleashing them on homeless encampments. Mmm. Gamey, but quite flavorful due to all the self-marinating they did during life.

PS: Ever eaten at a Quizno's? They put their sandwich meats in these plastic baskets and dip them in warm water before putting the meat on the bread. My question is, what happens to all that "meat water" at the end of the day? Do they just pour it out, when it'd make a fine, thin broth for the hungry masses? What a shameful waste! I think I just invented "hobo's broth."

PSS: All longtime BogsBlog readers know of my compassionate attitude toward the homeless, so just calm down. They still make a great topic for satire now and again.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Must We Be Careful What We Wish For?

Imagine a time in the future when a major disease like cancer is cured. I know it's a long way off, if at all, partially because some of these things are genetic and DNA is not easily reprogrammed.

Cancer is one of the major killers of mankind. Without it, and with more people living longer, population control will become a much greater issue than it is now. So how will we deal with that? More widespread (even government mandated) use of birth control? Child limits, a la China's one child policy? More wars? Rebirth during the fiery ritual of Carousel? Colonizing other planets? Involuntary euthanasia? Something we haven't thought of yet? Tell me your ideas.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Pick Me, For I Am A Scab

If a planned Writers Guild of America (WGA) strike goes ahead at the end of this month, timely shows like The Tonight Show and The Daily Show will immediately be impacted, as their material isn't written and produced months in advance as, say, a sitcom's material is.

I say avoid the pain: Jon Stewart, let me write for you. You know you want to. My friends and fellow bloggers can vouch for me; I got the mad satirical skillz, yo. Who can afford ethics when it comes to one's writing? Let some money-grubbing union bastard's (um, I mean, legitimately aggrieved fellow scribe's) loss be my gain. Call me, ok?

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Fox's Foxes Cause Consternation For Consternatives

Something isn't right with right wing news outlet Fox News, according to one consternative Christian group. It seems the female anchors wear "shorter skirts... than... the prostitutes being arrested on cop shows."

Really, I must invest in cable TV one of these days! Maybe the view could make that network somewhat palatable to me, amid the shrill commentary and Bush cheerleading.

What is it with the short skirts, though? The men on Fox News always wear suits and ties - arguably consternative dress. Consterno author and banshee Ann Coulter is rarely seen not wearing one. Such licentious attire on such ostensibly consternative women? I am baffled.

Below, an unidentified piece of Fox News cheesecake (and frequent Southwest Airlines flier) takes a rest between on-air segments. Note that her manner of dress has little in common with your dear old grandma or a buttoned-up, bun-haired librarian.

Monday, October 08, 2007

Somewhere, A Pig Flies

The dog-eating, lead-paint-toy-manufacturing, baby-girl-abandoning, dissent-crushing, draconian-law-enforcing Chinese are to be commended. (I never thought I’d be saying this.)

It seems the Chinese government evacuated 1 million people ahead of a typhoon that had already struck Taiwan and other countries in the region. Yes, commie China came through for its people in the face of a huge storm when the US did not. We should be ashamed anew.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Alabama Lawmakers Are A Bunch Of Dildo(e)s

"Well I heard Lynyrd Skynyrd sing about her
I heard old Skynyrd sing her proud
Well I hope Lynyrd Skynyrd will remember
Alabama's apparently still run by a bunch of backwards-ass yahoos"

Guns and fireworks are easy to come by in Alabama, but it will soon be hard to, um, come by sex toys (aka “marital aids”) in that state, as selling them there is now illegal. Alabama's 1998 law forbidding the sale of such items, under which some people have already been incarcerated, stands.

After nearly a decade of battles in lower courts, the issue recently worked its way up to the highest court in the land. But the Supreme Court refused to touch the sex toy case, stating, "Eww... we don't know where that case has been."

Possession of said toys is not criminal, though the sale of them for anything other than a “boner fide medical use” is strictly verboten. Honestly, do you have control over what anyone does with something after they buy it?

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go masturbate into the Confederate flag I just bought.

PS: How do you spell the plural of "dildo?" Does it get an "e" added in? Where's that dildo Dan Quayle when you need him?

Monday, October 01, 2007

Why No Rush To Condemnation?

Last week Congress passed a resolution condemning MoveOn.org’s “General Betrayus” ad from the New York Times. This action brings to mind many questions:

Is it appropriate for Congress to condemn a group of American citizens for peacefully exercising their right to free speech, which even during wartime must be protected?

Is it appropriate for Congress to waste time passing resolutions on issues tangential to the war when they should be passing them on the war itself (pay raises for the troops, shorter deployments, redeployment, etc.)? And on other important issues, for that matter?

Did Congress not hear Rush Limbaugh’s 9/26/07 radio broadcast in which he stated that US military personnel who have expressed opinions against the war in Iraq – many of whom based those on their experiences during actual tours of duty over there – were “phony soldiers?” If so, where's the resolution, folks?

Last year John Kerry (D-MA) said kids who don't do well in school might "end up in Iraq." The outrage, particularly from the right, was deafening; so much so that many people had to be reminded Kerry wasn't actually running for anything. No matter how easy they are to use for political gain, Kerry's words were essentially true. Sometimes patriotism drives kids to enlist (and it disgusts me to no end that we let "kids" do such a thing). But quite often, it's the inability to afford college or to find a job, or the need to get "straightened out" that's the motivating factor. My own father (who doesn't know of this blog's existence) ended up in the US Army because he couldn't quit goofing off and get serious about college.

Was Kerry wrong? In many cases, no.

Was MoveOn.org wrong? Possibly – there are different ways to view Gen. Petraeus' report on Iraq, as facts can always be "interpreted" to one's own benefit.

Was Congress wrong to condemn MoveOn.org? I think the answer to that is obvious. And they are remiss in failing to condemn Limbaugh's comments, if that's the way we deal with those who criticize the military these days.

It seems the old adage that the first casualty of every war is indeed the truth. "Sense" must be a close second.