The latter were brought to Ireland in the early 1900s in an attempt to subvert the native species. When England withdrew from what later became known as the Irish Free State and partitioned the country in 1921, the UK Greys stayed behind.
“These so-called treaties are not binding on us (squirrels),” said UK Grey spokesrodent Ian Pine-Nut. “I’m in favour of peace but we did not authorise any treaty. We must be invited to the tree in good faith and be allowed to participate in the negotiations process before any lasting peace is possible.”
Relative calm has been maintained among Ireland's squirrel population in recent decades, up until an incident last month in which one Irish Red lost his sight and another his tail. An explosive device disguised as a pile of acorns was placed at the foot of a tree, and when the tree’s Irish Red denizens went to collect them the device detonated. UK Greys were immediately suspected, but have denied any involvement.
“(Those Irish Reds) were clearly injured while creating their own bomb to use on us, and it serves them right,” responded a UK Grey who wished to be identified only as "Nigel." “It shows their overtures toward peace to be false and self-serving.”
Said Irish Red Seamus McNutty in response: “We don’t want a fight, but if (the UK Greys) bring one we’ll meet it, and in earnest. We’ve been fighting this battle for hundreds of years, and we know well how to deal with their kind, thanks be to God."
"We cannot be criticised for acting in our own defence in the face of naked aggression," added McNutty .
Former US President Bill Clinton, who arranged the Good Friday Accord in 1998, may be brought in to foster a peace agreement between the squirrels, but no firm plans have thus far been made.
Above: An unidentified Irish Red lookout spots a UK Grey brigade.
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