Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Hump Day Hodgepodge

"All bras half off." - actual department store sign

It drives me nuts when someone calls me on the phone, and when I pick up, they continue to talk to someone at their end for another 30 seconds before acknowledging me. Dialing a phone is a commitment; don't call me unless you mean it, and you're ready to talk. Once you dial, you're on my time.

I previously stated that I think menopause should be called "menostop." I've since reconsidered; it should be called "womenopause." Yeah, I like it.

I think washing one's hands ought to be considered a patriotic duty, and those who do not do so should be publicly chided and possibly even fined. I picture Soviet-style propaganda posters in restrooms featuring paranoia-inducing messages like "Did You Wash Those Hands Well Enough?" and "Germs Are Not Your Friends." I'd even provide rewards to those who "inform" on others who fail to wash their hands. Seriously, folks, we keep hearing more and more about how hand washing is crucial to helping prevent the spread of some diseases. It's such a simple thing. Do your duty. We're all in this together, and I don't want your damned germs.

I get a kick out of motorcycle riders. It's not only the "Watch Out For Motorcycles" bumper stickers they have on their cars, which put the onus of safety on me because they've decided to drive an unsafe vehicle between traffic lanes at 90 mph without a helmet, that give me a chuckle. It's their insistence on wearing t-shirts touting motorcycling while motorcycling. Do we all wear car shirts when driving our cars? Do pilots wear t-shirts with pictures of planes on them? Sea captains, little boats? So what if I sometimes wear a band's shirt to their concert? It's different.

I hereby demand that advertisements for movies and TV shows discontinue the use of the word "event." Movies and TV shows are not events; an event is a significant occurrence of a specific duration. Woodstock was an event. OK, it was also a movie, but you get my meaning. Jesus, picky picky.

Should radio stations that changed music formats two years ago be allowed to continue calling themselves "new" indefinitely? I think not. Time to get some new promos, you guys.

And now, our main feature...

The "brassiere" is 100 years old this year. No word yet on whether it's going to go out on the town to celebrate and loosen up a bit. One thing's for certain: It's been through a lot of changes over the years. At one time it had torpedo-shaped cups that severely distorted the woman's natural shape (see Lieutenant Uhura as an example) and likely poked out many an eye. Once it had way too much fabric for its own good (the "industrial strength" bra, as I call it); your grandmother wore one of these, and she probably still does. During the 60s the bra was sometimes used as an incendiary device. And the Wonder Bra was hailed as a miraculous invention for the volume and lift it gave women during the 90s.

Above: This fine pair of mushrooms I came across
would not look at all out of place in a brassiere.

As popular as the padded, sculpted model and copycat products have become (they are arguably the "standard" bra nowadays), overall I think it was a setback for women's apparel. At least from a male perspective. Sure, it looks good (if the woman knows how to wear it), but that's only an illusion. We've all been told that looks aren't everything, right? It's what inside (the bra) that counts.

And what of the "feel?" Padded bras have had a deleterious impact on heavy petting. Getting to second base hasn't been the same since their introduction. A whole generation of teen boys is now walking around thinking it copped a feel last Saturday night after the football game; those guys might as well have been fondling the couch cushions. Who wants a handful of foam? How romantic is that? Yeah, give me a nice unpadded, front-opening model any day. And make me 16 again, so I can have another shot at being an early bloomer.

Next post Friday: End of an era!

18 comments:

Jack K. said...

You sure want to go out with a bang, don't you? (pun intended.) After all, you wish to be 16 again. LMAO

Pete Bogs said...

jack - indeed! I am trying to have fun while I still can - on this blog, and in life... cheers!

she said...

was there some weird planetary alignment since iwas last here! dude i AGREE with every one of these points. men-on-pause with regard to THAT particular *old hag* jus kiddin people. i think iwill make those propoganda posters. now in public womens restrooms is rare to see some one not wash up. its a final check on par with making sure a skirt wasnt tucked into panty hose or that you are dragging toliet paper out on your shoe. grrrerhaha i agree with the helmet less motorcycle people... and your comment reminds me of trailers that say "caution: show horses" like what? we are going to be more careful with them than our fellow human drivers??? WTF??? an even to me is like; eclipses, earthwakes, moon landings, etc. not movies. rot on! as for padded bras...what does one say at the er, moment of truth? sorry charlie? grrreha. great post bogshond!!

she said...

PIMF massive typos. sorry bogshonds.

she said...

shite! another bad! *driving up that comment #*

Pete Bogs said...

she - thanks! maybe one would say, "Sorry, Charlene!"

or if you're me you just say, "Dear God, thank you for this!!!"

Aunty Belle said...

Heck yeah!

Wash yore hands, troops; war helmets, but leave the childish T-shirt at home for the dawg to chew; ha ha She "Men o pause"..

and looky, here's the straight truth. Women --most--need their brass ears. Floppin' when runnin' after toddlers ain't comfortable. Besides, breast tissue ain't a muscle so when it falls it's not possible to tighten it up again--so the brass ear heps a lassie keep her points level, ya know? No paddin', though...silly, eventually the truth is known.

BAwgs, Aunty is proud youse goin' out wif' such weighty topics.

Pete Bogs said...

aunt b - thanks for your, um, support... I'm not anti-bra, just anti-new-fangled-bra... brass ear? never heard that, but I love it... a weighty subject indeed!

moi said...

It will never cease to amaze Moi, men's fascination with boobs. Testosterone is, indeed, a thing of wonder.

As for menopause, jeez. Fifty bazillion years of humanoid evolution and it's only been in the past fifty years or so that we're using it for all kinds of excuses for our bad behavior. Exsqueeze eh Moi, but eat right, exercise and bite your tongue. Worked for our ancestors.

Jack K. said...

You will achieve your goals.

Keep in touch, either through comments on my blog or email. I am curious as to your next endeavors.

btw, if you have any ideas about the best way for me to get my book published I'd appreciate hearing from you.

Pete Bogs said...

moi - welcome! I don't know why we love boobs, but be happy we do! ;-)

jack - I'll be here through the end of the week, but the site will stay live... my contact info will remain active and available... I don't know anything about publishing books, but a co-worker of mine may know something about it...

LeftLeaningLady said...

Pete - I am really sorry that today's bras cause you such consternation. From my standpoint, the new padded wonder bras are amazing. Lifts self confidence and makes clothes fit better. And for those who weren't very well endowed, they are sure cheaper than plastic surgery!


As far as handwashing, nothing is more disgusting than to go to a public bathroom and see people leaving without washing. I would inform on them, just tell me where to call. she - I want to live where you are. Unless I am the only one in the bathroom, someone invariably leaves without washing. Just touching the stall doors makes me want to wash.

I am looking forward to Fridays post, although dreading it too. Can't you commit to a monthly update or something.

Pete Bogs said...

LLL - I am also on record as against "enhancements," except after a mastectomy... I know the padded bras are here to stay, but I am just a misfit, I guess... it's a woman's choice, of course...

I will be around, visiting blogs here and there...

Karen said...

Knockers up!!

My bad!

*tee, hee*

Pete Bogs said...

karen - do share! :-)

Bird said...

alright, i have to weigh in (haha) on the bra thing, or rather, what goes inside the bra ....

girls, remember:"we must, we must, we must improve our busts" and the accompanying chest exercise that went with it?

we all laughed at doing that. thought it was suppose to just make our tits look better for the guys.

not so. chest exercises strengthen the muscles UNDERNEATH and AROUND the boobs - and when those muscles are strong and toned - your tits are in better shape - gravity doesn't have quite the same effect as it would otherwise (even when you're entering men-o-pause). and this isn't just for the guys - this is physical health. you're always healthier when your muscles are strong and toned.

and yes, if you're already drooping, doing those exercises will help.

but nothing will eliminate the force of gravity and time completely.

bogs - a man of your age has no right to say anything about menopause. sorry darlin' - you just ain't qualified. (heck, NO MAN has the right...hahaha!)

it aint' for the weak or faint of heart. and men could never hack it. does have its benefits though. rather empowering and liberating.

bogs baby, i am still mad at you and pouting over your departure.

Pete Bogs said...

bird - I never said anything about the menopause experience one way or the other... I merely suggested that there were more appropriate names...

I seem to remember a lot of women weighing in on my circumcision blogs... I could've "pulled rank" as a male, but I didn't... lol

it's good to know about those exercises... and they'd be fun to watch, I imagine...

nothing is forever, bird... I will be around...

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