Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Alabama Lawmakers Are A Bunch Of Dildo(e)s

"Well I heard Lynyrd Skynyrd sing about her
I heard old Skynyrd sing her proud
Well I hope Lynyrd Skynyrd will remember
Alabama's apparently still run by a bunch of backwards-ass yahoos"

Guns and fireworks are easy to come by in Alabama, but it will soon be hard to, um, come by sex toys (aka “marital aids”) in that state, as selling them there is now illegal. Alabama's 1998 law forbidding the sale of such items, under which some people have already been incarcerated, stands.

After nearly a decade of battles in lower courts, the issue recently worked its way up to the highest court in the land. But the Supreme Court refused to touch the sex toy case, stating, "Eww... we don't know where that case has been."

Possession of said toys is not criminal, though the sale of them for anything other than a “boner fide medical use” is strictly verboten. Honestly, do you have control over what anyone does with something after they buy it?

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go masturbate into the Confederate flag I just bought.

PS: How do you spell the plural of "dildo?" Does it get an "e" added in? Where's that dildo Dan Quayle when you need him?


Bird said...

hahahaha! you say "dildo" and I come swooping and swooshing by!

i see an opportunity here - since it's only illegal to sell sex toys and not illegal to possess them, the online sex shops stand to increase their business. imagine the marketing campaign.

but here's just another reason for me to stay out here in my safe,sane, reasonable, sexy California - hahahahaha!

The Folsum Street Fair was this weekend - that means the neighborhood was full of cute boys in leather - with their pink cheeks (both sets) revealed. They were adorable - not only the cheeks, but the boys in general. I suppose their attire is illegal in Alabama.

Pete Bogs said...

bird - I wonder if the sites have restrictions on where they can ship products? though a plain brown wrapper is good to go anywhere!

I imagine that display you mention is not only illegal in Alabama, but life-threatening...

Bird said...

yeah - life-threatening to the displayers, not the displayees.

bogs - i'm shocked to return today to find only you and i engaged in this titilating discourse.

i suppose the blogosphere is too tame for both of us. (or perhaps everyone is busy shopping online...)


Pete Bogs said...

bird - indeed it's sad! where are people's priorities? ;-)

Ardlair said...

Deja vu.
Like megadejavu.

You may recall, young Peter, my blogging ex-persona of Doubting Thomas?

I posted on that little site about the quaint Southern sex toy law, and somebody got very upset!


The artist formerly known as ...................he.
Y'know gr-he-ha-ha?

The tenor of that response provided me with one of the first clues to the true gender that was subsequently to be revealed!

So your responses carefully - they may reveal more than you think!

Pete Bogs said...

ardlair - nice to see you! I've met said artist, so I know who "she" is... I'd love to have comments from her here about this issue... and others, for that matter...

Bird said...

oh ardlair, please interpret my response - what fun!

Jack K. said...

I reckon we would rather have violence than sex.

It's OK to beat the bejesus outta someone, but don't even think about a beautiful, sexual encounter.

We are having our own difficulties in Kansas. It seems the fundamentalist christians see pornography everywhere and they are about to put a stop to that nonsense. They too are going after the purveyors of such stuff.

When will they ever learn?

btw, is the word titillating banned anywhere? It does sound rather risque. Leave it to you two to cavort so scandalously. giggle, snerx.

Pete Bogs said...

jack - is Fred Phelps at it again? when is God going to "call him home?"

Infinitesimal said...

Ahhhhh Alabama,

Where you cannot buy a dildo, because you might buy a BLACK dildo, and insert it into a non-black vaginal opening
(don't tell Aunt Belle I said *Vaginal* acuz I think it may be on her list of no-no words!)

Yeah, so you can't buy a big black dildo for fear of it going into a soft white....erm,...."opening".


In SWEET HOME ALABAMA, you CAN throw nooses over strong Southern trees if you are white. But you CAIN'T duke it out an call it a hate crime if you are black.

I KNOW I KNOW, it weren't in AllyBama, it were in LouieAnna, but they's both the same state anyway, the United States of Deep Southern-Fried Inbred Racist Dicknosed Idiots.

Anyway, will you write a post on the Jana Six?


You're a Peach.

A JawGia Peach...

LeftLeaningLady said...

While most of the world has always affectionately referred to the NW section of Florida as L.A. (lower Alabama) this is just another reson to be happy that we are, legally, in Florida.

There are stupid laws on the books everywhere, but it seems that only Alabama and Georgia actually enforce them.

Pete, I am doing to go out on a limb here and declare the plural spelling of dildo to be "dildos". I am probably wrong, but it looks stupid with an E.

She, I would have rather been at the Folsum Street Fair than here with the biannual Thunder Beach. Cute boys in leather are much more entertaining (and much quieter) than a bunch of old guys in leather on Harleys.

Pete Bogs said...

contessa - I have been following the Jena Six story, but thus far have not wanted to contribute a post about them...

LLL - I actually looked it up after the fact, and both spellings are acceptable... leather and Harleys? that could be a gay street event, too! ;-)

all - I am guessing the "back massagers" you can buy at Walgreen's are exempt because they don't look like a phallus... and judging by their size, they are for "external use only"

Infinitesimal said...


external can be handy too....

think about it!

And, I did mean to say "Jena" six

Because the Jana 6 are a whole different era of racism.

I also vote no "e"

Pete Bogs said...

contessa - indeed, external works, too... what my droog Alex(is) would call "a nice warm vibratey feeling all through your guttiwuts..."

she said...

to my girls who think the folsom street fair is cute: go take a look and get back to me:

yeah christians are really oppressing the crap out of the that why they were selling baby jesus butt plugs at the folsom street fair?

you guys will be delighted when you follow my link and see dildos shaped as crucifixions, virgin marys and even buddha. amazingly, no embassies burned. funny. didnt see any shaped like mohamed or i would have purchased one for ardliar.

with the republic on her knees im glad to know that serious people are concerned about whether or not some chumps down in alabama can buy a fake dick.

she said...

wait; part of the link was cut off. here it is:

she said...

shyt it did it again!


Pete Bogs said...

she - the ban didn't specify the shape of the implements... they're all verboten... Jesus ones are questionablel, but also free expression...

I would say the same about the AL state gov't... there are so many important issues and they implemented and fought to keep alive such a law... self-righteous bastards...

PS: thanks for boosting my comment count! ;-)

she said...

i'm here to help bogshond!

did you look at the photos from the folsom street fair? i would like to know if you think its cute.

Pete Bogs said...

she - I'm at work... lol... but I assure you I'll check them out this weekend...

Pete Bogs said...

she - I looked at the pics... assless chaps and bondage aren't my idea of a good time... where did you get that link from???

anyway, this post was not a defense of that public display but about what should be a personal (not legal) matter - dildos in Alabama

Bird said...

wellshucks - i didn't see any of that stuff. i didn't go into the depths of the fair, so to speak, but saw some awfully cute boys all around.

now, i'd have to investigate it - but how do we know those photos are doctored?

i'll have to go back again and check the "kid" photos and see what the heck that is about.

but you shouldn't believe everything you see - especially on the internet - needs some vetting first. of course, it could be true. and if so, glad i didn't catch that part of it.

with regards to the importance of making sure that folks can buy their dildoes - or dildai - that goes to constitutional and privacy issues - so , yeah - it is important.

Bird said...

ok, i've checked out the kid pictures and traced those to my own campus's school newspaper.

yup - kids don't belong at this fair - and folks who bring 'em are idiots - and irresponsible. mind you, i've seen plenty of heterosexual parents do idiotic and irresponsible things as well.

the fair has a reputation for being raunchy - one reason i didn't venture far into its depths but lingered on the outskirts and watched the boys coming home to the castro in their leather attire (some of 'em were damn cute). so i don't know firsthand how raunchy it gets, but i still questions the photos of men sucking each other. (not that i don't think they do - and not that i think in general it's wrong - just don't want to watch) the masturbating - i can believe that.

but worse than anything, i am appalled by this line, from the Xpress article:

"Why do (these people) bring kids here? This is a leather fair for god�s sake,� said Bahran Aliassa, who was masturbating in public. He has been doing it annually for the past six years."

Uh, does Bahran masturbate in public annually or attend the fair annualy? or both? i wonder if the fair is the only time he masturbates. it's quite curious.

well, i'm outta here - out to play in the ever-so-immoral, city of sin.


Pete Bogs said...

bird - "Uh, does Bahran masturbate in public annually or attend the fair annualy? or both? i wonder if the fair is the only time he masturbates. it's quite curious."

a question only a teacher would ask! lol

I just watched a movie on SF - sort of... Zodiac... be careful out there!

LeftLeaningLady said...

thanx for the link. I am really glad that I checked it from home! I am appalled that some moron took their kids there and that is not my bag, but as long as it is not on Main Street, why should I care about it? I am not going to attend a party like that, but to each his own.

Yes, leather and Harleys could be a gay street event, but there is no way that would be acceptable here. I am glad they keep their clothes on, since one of the biggest events is in front of the movie theater where my son works and there were middle school cheerleaders there. It is just an excuse for doctors and lawyers to drink too much and pretend they are hell's angels. My friends and I usually take bets on the dead and dismembered count, but we are sick bitches.

And I am sorry that my comments don't have anything to do with the actual post. But thank you for checking out the spelling. There is nothing more embarrassing than misspelling dildo in the plural. :-)

she said...

to LLL: right. my point with the link is to illustrate that you are free in this nation to get your freak on and nobodys going to come over and chop your head off.

theres a pervasive mantra from the left that somehow conservative christians are pushing their agenda down peoples throats. but there is sufficient evidence to the contrary.

i never saw the photos with the kids!!

Pete Bogs said...

LLL - we have a similar thing here with drunken doctors and lawyers dressed as pirates - Gasparilla...

your comments are always welcome!

she - oh, I think you're looking at but one extreme example... they may get away with that debauchery in Frisco but it'd never happen here or in many other places... there are quite a few barriers to getting one's freak on, whether it be indecent exposure, disorderly conduct, open alcohol containers, partying on public property, making too much noise, going too late, etc. etc.

no, they won't chop off your head (didn't intend to get Islam in here, but so be it), but they will arrest your ass in a heartbeat...

not all, but many Christians do push their ways on us - they believe it to be their duty to become missionaries and testify to the rest of us (with an eye on recruiting us)... our conservative Christian county commissioners saw to it that a display of books by gay authors in a public library was not allowed - a far cry from public BJs...

I was surprised at some of the SF pics, but asked myself whether, if essentially the same street fair were here and "straight-themed" would I attend? possibly, out of curiosity... leather, bondage, S&M, spanking, humiliation, etc. do not meet my definition of sexy or appealing...

she said...

i get your point. but there arent any straight people street fairs bogshond. grrrrherhaha. either way im not goin. but hows this for cannot have a prayer in school even if its just whoever wants to participate, and now you cant have christmas trees or christmas parties etc.

but every one of the demoncratic candidates said they would support the reading of gay story :the two princes to 2nd graders. its an agenda like anything else.

just apply these stupid controls evenly if youre gonna do it. this whole thing is totally out of hand...nobody can do anything anymore without offending one group or another.

Pete Bogs said...

she - we're turning into another of my previous posts here, but I don't think prayer is appropriate in public schools... private schools, have at it... and by the way, you CAN pray in public school... you can pray in your head just like you can read in your head... you shouldn't need the validation of having others pray around you at the same... or does God not count the silent prayers?

and another issue - the war on Xmas... I enjoy it from a non-religious perspective...

Infinitesimal said...

holy wowie

lotsa comments to comment on


masurbating annually at a streetfair is a fair lot better than masturbating anally at one.

4 am brings out the worst puns in me.


hearing you describe that link is way more plenty than i need to see for myself.
consider your mentioned point well taken.

but i gotta say,
conservative christians are some of the mose evil people i know or have heard of in this out "nanny state"

they are typically coming down on all manner of walks of life while behind closed doors, they will silmultaniously sniff glue (read heroin, oxycontin, crystal, what have you) and ass-rape youngsters/interns, or do all manner of weird and perverse things.

AND DO NOT EVEN go to Clinton, cause Monica was down for that dirty deed and Clinton NEVER spoke out AGAINST blowjobs!!!!!!!

But of course not all conservative christians (as with other groups) are bad and spouting crazy things on a never ending loop of insane have Liebowitz (sp?) who started out liberal and turned conservative. I don't mind his preachyness.

Oh wait, he is Jewish.

she said...

vaniiiile grrrherhahaha yes but there arent any street fairs for religious glue sniffing buggerers *yet*

new topic!

Pete Bogs said...

perhaps the most disturbing aspect of all those pictures is that the guys are drinking MGD... DISGUSTING!!!