"If you would take a second, and take the little sticks out of your head, and clean out your ears, and maybe you would see that I'm a person, with feelings. And all I have to do, is do what I wanna do, is eat my peanuts, and not listen to you. And the only way that I would ever let go of my bag of peanuts, is if you came over here right now and tried to pry it from my dead, lifeless fingers. If you can get it from my Kung Fu grip, then you can come and have it. Otherwise, step off, bitch."
When I flew to Boston last week a flight attendant announced that a person with a severe nut allergy was aboard, and that said person had requested that no one consume any nuts or nut products during the flight.
I’m not callous, but I wonder if it’s fair for 99.5% of people to be inconvenienced for the other 0.5% in any given situation. I mean, doesn’t it make sense that the concerned individual inconvenience themselves rather than anyone else? Yes, these freakish allergics are selfish!
So, what’s my plan for the allergic? Just deal with the nuts? Don’t fly on airplanes? Neither is feasible. But I think an allergy-resistant suit is in order. Kind of like the boy in the plastic bubble wearing the bubble around in public. He’d look a bit like a hazmat worker or an astronaut, but he’d be safe from that evil Mr. Peanut. Call me crazy, but while this would be inconvenient (for the wearer), it would be completely fair. Hey, if they want, the suits could come in designer styles and colors.
I don’t know where all these food allergies are coming from of late. When I was young the neighborhood mothers would give kids peanut butter sandwiches and milk without a second thought, and nobody ever dropped dead or blew up like Violet Beauregarde. There’s something going on here. And I bet the Chinese are behind it.