Surely as African slaves were grateful for that all-expenses-paid sea cruise to the Americas centuries years ago.
Surely as provocatively dressed women are asking to be raped.
Surely Pope Benedict XVI, in his recent visit to Brazil, said that the native peoples who occupied that region before the conquistadors arrived were "silently longing" for a new faith to be thrust upon them.
Oh yeah. You know you want it, baby.
Surely, they didn't mind invasion, occupation, subjugation and other words ending with the suffix -ation. Nor did they mind the new diseases that were introduced to them at that time. They were looking for a new direction in life, after all, and were surely grateful that "civilized" man came across the sea bearing all these gifts. (And, come on, they were asking for it - dancing around half-naked and beating on drums like a bunch of goddamn savages.)
Surely I jest! But, sadly, the pope was serious.
This was not a "nappy-headed hos" moment for the pope, either. This was an expression of centuries-old Western imperialistic hubris and self-righteousness coming from the head of one of the largest faiths in the world. And he should be ashamed. I thought he was out of touch, but man, I had no idea...
During his visit the pope also made sure to offend homosexuals in a country that holds the largest gay pride parade in the world, as well as denounce condom use in a country with a high incidence of AIDS cases.
And he offended hot-blooded Brazilians in general with his calls for chastity and abstinence until marriage. In a country named after a pubic region grooming style he said that? As if!
I say it's time to boycott the pope's advertisers and get him fired.
In other "offensive religious leader" news, the Reverend Jerry Falwell has died aged 73. Some will say that God had decided it was his time to go, but I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say you helped this happen.
PS: I posted a similar comment about Falwell on a few blogs yesterday, and apparently at least one reader didn't recognize that I was quoting Falwell himself from his sick, inappropriate words in response to the 9/11 attacks. And they were inspired to send me the following email missive:
Pete ,just a quick note to let you know that you're a stinking Bigot just like your sweetheart,Jerry Fat-so Falwell!!!(who is now in a very hot place) As a good and decent GAY American Christian and a member of all the organizations you mentioned,I'm proud and happy to have done all I could for Mr.Falwell.(ha-ha-ho-ho)
Ah, the perils of engaging in satire. Think I will go console myself with some plump and delicious Irish infants.
PSS: Above commenter has since re-read my words, and recanted his criticism. It's all good.