Friday, January 05, 2007


Several United Airlines pilots claimed to have seen a flying saucer near Chicago ’s O’Hare Airport last fall. This is significant as it’s a rare instance of people with some credibility and authority making such a claim. I don’t think we’re alone in the universe, but why is it that extraterrestrial visitors typically present themselves to, um, “rustic” types?

Maybe that's the point; they can do scouting missions on earth for whatever reason, but choose rural areas so that, if they are seen, most humans will dismiss the sighting as some hillbilly hitting the hooch a little too hard.

But this time, the visitors screwed up. I see an alien pilot somewhere being chewed out by a darker-skinned alien superior, who is bellowing that he will "have his (the screwup alien's) badge" if he doesn't shape up.

Anyway, just in case the sighting was not visitors from another world, I have some theories about what those United pilots might have actually seen.

-Dick Cheney taking a test ride in his escape pod, which he will need when an avalanche of misconduct charges comes his way. (Sorry, George, it’s a one-seater.)

-Paris Hilton’s party dirigible. Hey, the idle disgustingly rich can afford to build all sorts of crazy things. The humanity!

-A weather/illegal CIA surveillance program balloon.

-P-Funk was coming into town for a show and forgot to notify the FAA.

-ELO was attempting another comeback and forgot to notify the FAA. And their fans.

-A group hallucination, caused by global warming and sun spots.

-John Travolta filming a self-financed sequel to Battlefield Earth.

-An unprecented but completely natural weather phenomenon, wherein metallic spinning discs emerge from clouds.

These are my thoughts, but it's kind of hard to say for sure, as the sky has been throwing all kinds of crap at us of late. Any other thoughts on what this might have been, folks?

PS: A hero isn't someone who makes millions of dollars playing professional sports, and it ain't a sandwich either; a hero is someone who does something great without any thought for himself or his own compensation. Wesley Autrey is a truly fine human being.


Anonymous said...

First things first. Huzzahs to Wesley Autrey. Who among us would have done the same thing? I might have hesitated and lost.

As for the UFO, at one time we might have enjoyed considering it to be part of the international communist conspiracy. Now we might wonder if it is part of an international neocant conspiracy.

Had it been Northwest airlines we might have inquired as to the libation of choice in the cockpit.

Bird said...

O'Hare, uh?

Does O'Hare still sport that god-awful disco walkway from hell? i believe it was in the united terminal.

would to god some alien in a UFO would blast that sucker!

Pete Bogs said...

jack - I forgot about the Northwest lushes! good one...

bird - I went through there on the way to Dublin in 2005... do you mean that belt thing that you stand on instead of walk? it's still there...

Bird said...

not justthe belt - it's the neon light decor on the walls and ceilings - oh - it was enough to drive a bird to drink! heavily!

Anonymous said...

Does drinking heavily mean you must use a cut crystal tumbler?

That seems a little much for a Black Russian, or a good Merlot.

Bird said...

i prefer jam jars. sans the jam of course. hahahahaha!

i do like those heavy tumblers though - for scotch. and gin. not together, of course.

bogs - how odd- this is now a drinking post.

flasks are also quite good.

anything will do if you're in that disco hall.


Pete Bogs said...

it's ok - all the blogflies come here to chat over drinks...