Major League Baseball teams such as the Colorado Rockies are apparently now sponsoring “Faith Days” in an effort to fill pews, er, seats at games in their respective parks. (Don't ask me why this story is being reported during the off-season; I don't know.)
On these designated days, church groups enjoy special discounts on tickets; activities include players testifying about their faith in the Big Man Above, live Christian music and more.
While somewhat popular, these events have thus far been very limited in terms of 1) adhering to core spiritual values and, 2) appealing to people of various sects and faiths, including non-Christian ones.
I have some suggestions on how to change that:
Encourage vendors to take a break from robbing people at the concession stands, merchandise stands and parking garages.
Replace nachos with communion hosts. Unleavened wafers, but don’t be stingy with the cheese!
Prohibit players from openly scratching or adjusting their private parts – a common site at pro baseball games. Further, prohibit homoerotic behaviors such as congratulatory buttock smacking (typically given to a player after a good hit/play) and bench-clearing pile-ons (such as occur when a melee breaks out on the field).
Replace the coaches’ and catchers’ hand signals with the Sign of the Cross (spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch).
Replace “trash talk” (“Hey, batter, batter, batter...”) with speaking in tongues.
Replace players’ caps with yarmulkes.
Refer to a second or subsequent at-bat for a player as “reincarnation.”
Adopt the motto, “What is the sound of one fan clapping?”
Replace “Take Me Out To The Ball Game” with “Go Tell It On The Mountain.”
Replace the ripe-for-innuendo and potentially embarrassing term “balls” (as in “balls and strikes”) with the innocuous “wayward pitches.”
Hold an Islamist Day. This would entail entry without security pat-downs. Containers such as coolers would be permitted inside, unsearched, and with no questions asked.
That’s all I have to say about that, but I am open to additional suggestions. Play ball!