Monday, January 08, 2007

Don't Mess With The Man In The Suit

It’s always tragic when a big cat attacks a human; all the more so when the victim is a child. Animal instincts don’t spare the young. But when the cat is actually a guy in a suit, well, what can we say? That’s messed up.

The recent news story of a Tigger character smacking a kid at Walt Disney World reminded me of a similar incident that happened to some family friends.

It was at another popular Orlando theme park a few years ago that a costumed character attacked two adolescent boys who were friends of my nephews. The story goes that the character in question was doing one of his regularly scheduled appearances in the park when these kids, in an attempt to get his attention – he was swarmed by kids at the time – tugged on his arm.

From all accounts it was an innocent gesture, but the costumed fellow didn’t take it that way. He punched both kids, then continued to pummel one after he hit the ground. This is a completely true story. I shit you negatory.

It gets better.

The Orlando Police were called, and the boys were hauled off for a stay at the local juvenile detention center. Correct. An adult theme park character – well, let’s call him the “Grouch Who Punched Kids Senseless” – walloped a couple of kids, and they got arrested and fitted with orange jumpsuits. I could tell you exactly who the guy was, but he’s probably still around somewhere, and I don’t want to get, you know, beaten up.

The end result was, the family could have taken the Grouch to court but didn’t want to put their very traumatized kids through that. Juvey was enough for them. The boys did have to appear before a judge, and were required the write apology letters to the man in the suit. I’m still not sure how park officials, police and a judge decided that the kids should be punished, but that’s what happened. They were with a large group and no one saw them do anything wrong.

I have since entertained notions of visiting the park and accidentally bumping the Grouch in front of a swift-moving tram, to the horror of most visitors, and to my own delight. But Grouchy seems to be well-connected, so I dare not. It could go very badly for me. Besides, who knows if the person in the suit is still the same one?

I guess the lesson to be learned from these incidents is: Don’t mess with the man in the suit.


Anonymous said...

Particularly if it is a furry suit.

Hellpig said...

If the parents refuse to slap the shit out of their uncontrollable little delinquents someone has too.

Someone buy the man a beer

Anonymous said...

He, he, he. Now everyone will know what I do in the wintertime. OK, I'll confess, one of them bit my hand and while the other one kick my balls, I swear it was self-defense. Next time I will drink more fluids before my shift starts, so that I can make more overtime. Hmm, let me see, $6.00 X 50 hrs, hey! I can pay my rent this month!

Pete Bogs said...

jack - some of it may have been his natural hair... I don't know...

hell - it was a church group... lol

q - a seasonal employee, are you? if that's the kind of job you have, you might want to consider anger management... lol...

Bird said...

i'm with hellpig on this one!

i confess that the ringer on my phone for my daughter is tigger - "t-i-double g - e -r! that spells tigger!"

she has loved hiim since she was little. we went to disneyland two years ago when she ws 18 and she had her pic taken with tigger (i would have punched him if he cat-handled her - a distinct possibility -my baby girl is a looker).

but i know my daughter would stand behind tigger 100% - hell yeah - tigger - beat those little brats! tigger would never harm a kid unless the kid deserved it!

Hellpig said...

I seen the video the kid was as tall as tigger and was wearing a bikers chain on his jeans,the kid deserved the beat down

Pete Bogs said...

bird - I'm sure your baby takes after her mother... what's a Disneyland?

hell - it didn't look like much of a smack to me... and that paw is heavily padded... the kid seemed to think it was a joke... still, wtf?

Anonymous said...

/bark bark bark

man, think how HOT it must be inside those suits standing on damn concrete in CenFla all day, the inescapable fragrance of molten sugar, big pink whales dressed as tourists. its enough to make a stuffed animal go bad

"when animals attack: the disneyworld files"

i made a mistake last year and took a 3pm flight out of orlando back to the ATL. it was full of disney people loaded up with more crap than you can stuff in the overhead bins. tired cranky parents, rude children. hell on earth. thank god i had silver tequila in my water bottle. grrherheha *jes kiddin*

anyway, the brat behind me informed her mother that she was stupid and to shut up. myself and the people in my row exchanged a look of "can you believe this shyt?"

the kid kicked my seat over and over. finally i stood up and looked over the seat and said "would you like me to come back there and show you where your feet belong?' *devastating rottie stare*

that put an end to it. the gutless mother continued to take her criticisms. amazing