Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Bond, Lame Bond

"Christ, I miss the Cold War." That's a line spoken by "M" in the new James Bond movie, Casino Royale. I kind of understand how she feels.

Bond has changed with the times. Cold War plotlines, for example, are no longer suitable. Overt sexism - somewhat tolerated in the days of Sean Connery and Roger Moore - is now frowned upon. And sleeping around in the day of AIDS can be more deadly than the life of a spy.

But I mourn the end of the gratutious, tachycardia-inducing masterpiece that was the main title sequence of the classic Bond movie. Remember those, fellas? Semi-nude women doing somersaults through space, gleaming female lips kissing smoking pistols. You know, that sort of subtle thing.

The new film, which is actually pretty decent as far as actioners go, has a lame playing card-themed cartoon as its opening sequence, with no females sans the queen. What the?

I also miss the Bond who could (and would) unzip a woman’s dress from across the room using a for-your-spies-only magnetic gadget. Typically the only protest the woman would muster was a halfhearted “Oh, James.” Yes indeed, Bond created a healthy, realistic view of sexuality for a growing boy like me. Women never say no!

This new Bond has very few gadgets, and certainly none likely to increase his nookie quotient. In their absence, he is left to use his looks and charm. The bastard.

I never saw what the fuss was about the possibility of a blonde Bond (in the form of Daniel Craig). Unfortunately, the first role I saw Craig in was that of a brutal gangster in Road To Perdition; he may have been typecast as a baddie for me then.

Further, Craig's distinctly Aryan traits – blonde hair and piercing blue eyes – say “Nazi” all over. Had Schindler’s List been made today, Craig would be ideal for the role played by Ralph Fiennes. Picture him in the uniform. Am I wrong? (Yes, I am aware he was in Munich as an Israeli assassin.)

But all this is neither here nor there, for I'm not judging Craig’s suitability for the Bond role, but the new Bond movie’s place in the overall Bond oeuvre. And I have to say, it's in a good place. It seems like a Bond movie, which is important, though it spends a lot of time at the card table.


The thing with James Bond is, though, men have always wanted to be him and women have wanted to be with him. (This Bond is more "ripped" than any I can remember.) Bond was always a fantasy, from the gadgets to the outrageous stunts to the ever-shifting exotic locales to the ease with which he beds women. So I ask, though times change, do fantasies really change with them?

14 comments:

Bird said...

ah bogs, i haven't even SEEN the new movie (i am so ashamed) and yet ....

the girls in my part of the sky are all a flutter, as am i, over the new, ripped bond. i am reluctant to see the movie for fear the blond bond will not meet my expectations.

connery was of course the classic bond, but i was very fond of pierce brosnan.

roger moore never did it for me. timothy dalton came close.

but we girls evaluate bond a bit differently than you fellows do.

Pete Bogs said...

bird - this new movie definitely has "a little something for the ladies"

there is a rather unpleasant torture scene, made pleasant for you by the fact that Bond is naked... and then there are the swimming trunks... but enough of this homoerotic banter...

K9 said...

/bark bark bark

i havent seen it but i will weigh in on those great marcel *somebody* openings in the other bond movies.....with the babes in sillhouettes and watery blendy fades...those were great, just like yous sayin bogs.

what was cool about connery especially the early ones was he didnt mess around too much with gadgets....a guy comes into a room ...pow pow pow. dead! no questions asked. no funny quips. no creative clever way of killing. more like what i think real spy work would be.

roger moore is boob. a joker. live and let die couldve been cool with the right bond...they squandered a neat setting in NO with a voodoo element.

those euro bathing suits make me hurl. i saw it on maydens blog and coughed up a squirrel. i'll stick with the baggy jams.

/grrr

Pete Bogs said...

“A trifle overpowering scent…”

I think Moore was ok as Bond… remember, the writers, directors and producers were responsible for the content – quips, gadgets and all…

Live And Let Die… loved that song growing up… and Yaphet Kotto blowing up like a balloon, then… blowing up! Ouch!

ditto on the shorts… I haven’t yet traveled to any country where I would be expected to wear a Speedo or those homoerotic short shorts to swim, and it’s a good thing, cause I won’t! I’d sooner wear nothing, but that’s a different post…

Hellpig said...

I just paid $240.00 for the 40 dvd 20 movies "The Ultimate James Bond Collection" can't wait for Christmas to open it...

Connery then Moore for me kids

I like the corny quips myself,and as of late I like Q's replacement John Cleese

Pete Bogs said...

for me, there are only two Bond movies that are so bad, you have to dislike them - View To A Kill and License To Kill... they are Superman III (and IV) corny and ill-conceived... of course, there are still a few I haven't seen...

Bird said...

blech i say to moore- blech and blech. he was fine as the saint,but he is NOT bond.

feminism aside - i've always like the opening formula to the bond movies. i sometimes consider them a satire - regardless, they are artistically too cool to dismiss.

speedos? hahahah- women love 'em,men hate 'em. but man-o-man, check out the olympic swimmers in those speedos (those these days, they wear different stuff). my-oh-my - eye candy galore.

i adore dame judy dench as m, and loved the wonderful hand off to cleese as q - but i've loved cleese since his monty python days and faulty towers as well.

bogs- you are a much better source than my gaggle of girls - no one's said a peep about the torture scene. now i really MUST go see this flic.

Hellpig said...

Bird sounds like you enjoy a little Bondage and S&M...How do you like the Saw series?

K9 said...

/bark bark bark

youre right the writers made moore be a joker, but it still has the same effect on me. view to a kill did suck but i liked christopher walken and grace jones as mayday. never saw any of the pierce brosnan bonds. i hated octopussy. east germany, circuses....even the isle of girls couldnt reedem that one.

the best: you only live twice. best local, best girls, best everything. even bjork covered the title song.

i prefer to swim au natural as well bogs.

so boyed ya wanna torture a blonde in a eurosuit? grrrrrl is bad to the bone! grrherhaha

/howl

Blue said...

Hey Bogs

This movie was made true to the books by Ian Fleming (who also wrote chitty chitty bang bang). There is an Australian Academic who has written his thesis on the Bond movie phenomenon and discusses the differences to the books - quite interesting. Once I'm back on the net next year (relocating currently) then I'll hunt it out for you.

Have a good Christmas!

I personally prefer Sean - but thats the sexy voice....

Lil Bit said...

I haven't seen it yet...
but... fantasies RULE. lol

Pete Bogs said...

Bird – you may find you want to kiss 007’s booboos… ;-) Cleese rules – I wish he’d do more than cameos and voiceover work these days…

Hell – enjoy your boxed set, especially those main title sequences… I am envious…

K9 – I liked Octopussy for reasons I won’t repeat here…

Blue – yup, Casino Royale started it all… I’ve seen part of the original spoof movie with Woody Allen… look forward to hearing back from you…

Lil – it keeps some of us going, you know? lol

Bird said...

geesh bogs - you are really building this movie up for me.

i hope to catch it tomorrow - and will report back on my findings!

Aunty Belle said...

Hey chillens...ya'll is still out here? Well, thas' a relief, I have about lost this here dimension of life--so it is good ter know ya'll is alvie and well.

Connery and Brosan--Moore is milquetoast in the Bond role--too gooey. Connery gave the impression of an efficient man machine in a tuxedo...uh huh...that agitated primal survival insticnt firing on all points. No sentimentality for lady assasins however fulsome.

Course, now, Uncle Aloysius ain't never got over Ursula Undress in Dr. No...and Bond might have loved her most, too.