Monday, October 30, 2006

Confessions Of A Democratic Operative: Part 4

I had assignments off and on throughout the 90s. When 2000 arrived, Democrats were desperate to retain the White House, and Democratic operatives like myself undertook our most crucial assignments ever.

“Kid,” Soros said to me by phone from his limo, “I’m sending you home to Florida. We’re expecting some funny business from the GOP in the state and we want you down there to ensure things go our way.”

Well, everyone knows what happened.

What most people don’t know is that prior to the election I scoured the streets, halfway houses and YMCAs of Dade County enlisting vagrants who, for a pack of cigarettes or a couple dollars, would say they had been “disenfranchised.”

“Operation Beggar’s Banquet” (aka “Democratic Dregs”) was my responsibility. Getting our participants cleaned up and “ready for primetime” (looking like actual voters) was a massive undertaking in itself.

With my prompting, those people claimed they had been turned away at the polls; this was true, as they were not registered to vote. Many had never voted in their lives. But their claims stirred up enough controversy to create doubt about the true winner of the election and delay any concession from Al Gore for weeks.

To further the uncertainty, I slipped a number of hanging or pregnant chad voting forms into the boxes at various voting precincts. These made the count much closer than it would have been under honest circumstances.

We almost got away with stealing an election. The Supreme Court, the highest legal authority in the land, ultimately saw that the truth prevailed.

Soros was said to be so angry he shot his own dog.

The next time I spoke to him he told me to stay in Florida. They had “something else for me” there.


Hellpig said...

What was that for you to obtain a contract from CITGO for Fla.
voting machines?

Pete Bogs said...

hell - I can neither confirm nor deny involvement in that... however, it's funny you bring up Chavez - I will be talking about him tomorrow...

Hellpig said...

I hope you include a clip about America's most vile citizen Cindy "I HATE AMERICA" Sheehan who is Chavez' propaganda tool

Bird said...

BOGS - it's YOUR fault eh, that bush is in the white house?

oh bogs. i am SO disappointed in you.

(would that i were wordless!)

if only you had come up with more believable disenfranchiseds. what on earth were you thinking?

now i know why you're always hoisting a beer - the guilt must be close to unbearable.

Pete Bogs said...

hell - I have never run across Sheehan in my official duties...

bird - I tried my best... how many Republicants have YOU terminated for the cause?

Hellpig said...

Bird is it me or is your English getting worse? What line of work are you in again? LOL

Bird said...

no doubt pig, you are questioning the grammatical "correctness" of

"would that i were wordless."

when using a conditional such as "would" it is indeed grammatically correct to use "were" as the verb with a singular subject. strange as it may be, though "were" is normally used with a plural subject in the simple present, it is commonly used with a singular subject when paired with a conditional that signifies an action that really has not quite happened but that we all, indeed, wish would.

or perhaps it is "disenfranchiseds" you object to. i have merely taken the past tense of a verb which is sometimes used as an adjective ( as in disenfranchised voters) and nominalized it in the plural form sans voters. can you not follow that semantic construction? it is not common useage (sp?) but it is grammatically correct.

now please, do not force me into such pedantic, academic jargon again. i will accept chastizement only from a formally-trained grammarian or rhetoricians.

i go now to toss the tweed jacket with the elbow patches aside and take this ridiculous pipe out of my mouth.


Hellpig said...

All you had to say was it was me,and I was just messing with you not mocking you.Maybe we should just stick with sports...LOL

Bird said...

ohheavens hell - can't you tell when i'm messin' with YOU?

besides, i was mocking me and academia. geesh! ;)

who the hell could understand any of that garbley-gook!