Friday, September 22, 2006

Oral (Sex) Report: Ladies First

Today I am bowing to peer pressure (and some personal pressure) and writing a sex-themed post - possibly the first of many. We shall see. I like to keep things interesting around here, with a few surprises now and then.

Ladies first. That’s right. I won’t have any of this “some women rarely have orgasms or have never had one” on my watch.

Men (or women), before you get an ounce of personal pleasure, put in the time – however long it takes, and however numb your mouth gets – to ensure that the physical transaction includes a climax for her, whether during foreplay and/or also later, when your payday comes.

It’s said many women don’t achieve orgasm from the act; they can’t blame men for that, no matter how inclined they may be to do so. We don’t have any more control over women’s physiology (and psychology) than they do.

But this “satisfaction guaranteed” policy will be most appreciated by your partner, and should forever dispel any notion that you care only about your own pleasure (should such a misconception exist).

There are risks, as I hinted at before. You may lose some sensation in your mouth, but this should return with time. You also need a strong skull, just in case it gets trapped in the ever-tightening vice grip of her legs.

I get the impression there are some men that really don’t know how to "eat at the 'Y'," and I must say I don’t get that. But just in case it’s true, here are some pointers...

Don’t just go at it willy-nilly. Munch like you’ve got a purpose; you do
making her happy. And keep your eyes and ears open for suggestions of "more," "slower," "faster," "not so hard," "a little higher," etc. (Note: They're not always verbal.)

Notice that there are several parts down there – some parts have several sub-parts – and most deserve some level of attention (it’s your job to discern what those levels are) during mouth whoopee.

Realize that oral sex doesn’t just involve your mouth but often your fingers and/or hands at the same time. Knead and penetrate. (Remember that what’s in front of you is not a toy, and don’t start putting body parts and foreign objects in places unless she’s cool with it.)

Remember that your tongue is an appendage that can be used to do many of the same things your other appendages do; unlike what the folks told you, it’s not always impolite to stick out your tongue. (It’s obviously not always impolite to chew with your mouth open, either.)

And unless she’s sitting up and you’re kneeling down, for God’s sake don’t attempt a dive head-on. Instead, if she’s lying flat, try this: Lean on one elbow, with her body running underneath that arm, so your body is essentially across her mid-section. Then lean forward and go to town.

You'll find you have more flexibility and fewer obstructions for your hands this way. You’ll also find that your neck – which can tilt much farther forward than it can backward – and your jaw won’t hurt so damn much afterwards. Putting a pillow under her can also facilitate your efforts.

If you’re doing this right, your head will be facing the foot of the bed, and may even be close to upside-down at some points (don’t worry, you shouldn’t get lightheaded in the amount of time it takes to get where you’re going).

The truest indication of whether you’re doing it right is when all but her shoulders and heels rise up in the air, and the neighbors call the police about all that “racket” you’re making.

After all this, when she's come back down to earth, continue on with the feature presentation knowing she's primed and probably already halfway to another climax.

Ladies, we’ll do all the mouth-work while you sit back an enjoy it. But you can help with good hygiene and grooming habits.
Cunniliciousness is important to getting what you want out of a man sexually. (And having our noses tickled can really distract us from our duties. So can having to keep dental floss next to the bed.)

And, very importantly, don’t ever fake a damned thing – you’re only robbing yourself. If you don't have an orgasm from having these things done to you, I don't know what to say. Nonorgasmic (NO) people do exist.

But keep trying. Men, step up to that challenge. By working together, we can put an end to NO in our lifetime!


Jack K. said...

A maravelous primer, bogs.

I look forward to the comments of others.

I do remember, though, a woman who was aghast at the idea. Her cultural background had convinced her it was "dirty". Your admonishment to pay attention to your partner's needs is absolutley correct. If she don't like it, quite trying it.

The exercise can pay dividends.

Bird said...

hmmmmm..."payday" "dividends" - such business-type language there boys!

i applaud your basic intention here bogs.

a few hints:
keep tight control on those teeth - watch the munching (sweet-tips,it's not your mouth that should get numb - it's your tongue).
if hygiene is a concern, let a yonicure be part of the foreplay. do you now how difficult it is to keep things properly trimmed in those parts?

marvin gaye is good background music, so is "try a little tenderness."

by the way, just what do you guys think those "nonverbal" cues are?

can you provide explicit, specific, concrete details?



Pete Bogs said...

jack - I've heard of people doing this through cellophone... a kind of condom I guess... me, I say do it right or not at all! if you can't take the heat, stay out of the cunny! lol

bird - my word choice is my own logic... it's euphemistic language, I know, but that's how I chose to present it...

I appreciate your "applause," though I detect a "but" in there from you... I'm getting a "rolling your eyes and grinning at silly men" vibe from your comments too... all I can say is, I've had a lot of success plying the techniques herein...

"munching" was part of the vernacular... as in "carpet" I don't know anyone who actually chews on the damn thing! ouch!

take a word from a muncher - your jaw can get very numb...

I have never heard of a yonicure before... but apparently I have given one...

nonverbal = body language, using her hands to press your face in harder, increasingly excited moans, increased writhing, etc.... a whole bunch of stuff!!!

you're going to love the male version of this I do next week... NOT! I take no prisoners and make no apologies when it comes to BJs... lol

Jack K. said...

Did I really say maravelous? Oops!

I must have meant fan-freaking-tastic.

A very tasty posting.

Bird said...

well yes, dear gourmand, there is the teeniest bit of "eye-rolling," and just a smidgen of "silly men" thoughts - but all of that is accompanied by affection.

and yes, there is a but.

it's that business-type language. that phrasing isn't exactly endearing...neither is "muncher," "munching," nor "damn thing." heavens! do you love the succuclent sweat treats or not? your "venacular" is confusing. are you conflicted? hahahaha!

yonicure- you need small, precise scissors to trim the hair and a razor - not to shave it all off - but only to trim and shape the edges - and no shaving of the hair around the labia (thought gentle trimming with sciscors works there. some sweet oil to massage - something that smells good to both you and her and is edible - though this is only for the mound - the outside, after the hair-trimmming & shaping.

so you'll give us a follow-up next week eh? take no prisoners? oh dear - again - that euphemistic and figurative language! yes - lot's of eye-rolling and silly men sighing now.

p.s. "whole bunch of stuff" is not concrete and specific. are you avoiding graphic descriptions? shying away from the heart of the matter?

such a tease.

sideways smiles and twinkles.


Pete Bogs said...

bird - indeed, those phrases aren't endearing, nor weren't meant to be... this is a actually a serious post, and the little (and I mean little) bit of humor in it comes from 1) those silly expressions like "munching" and 2) from the intentional disconnect between a passionate act and a businesslike tone... it's a deliberate incongruity, but I guess it's not coming across that way... thanks for the coochie-shaving tips... been there and done it... I'm actually back to liking more hair there now... my, um, tastes change over time...

look back at my previous comment for specifics - they're right before "a whole bunch of stuff"

save your eye-rolling for the bj blog... I think you may need it... ;-)

The Flabbergasted Heathen said...

Here here Bogs!

Hell, I gotta say, it had to bemy favourite part of thewhole experience. I mean, what can be better than knowing the woman you care for is experiencing wave after wave of ectasy?

I look forward to the further posts.

Bird - If he put in all of the specifics, it would take half the fun out of experimenting.

Bird said...

what's this bogs? i fly by for the next installment and find


you are a tease!

must i develop my own post on the art and craft of cock-sucking/licking/teasing not to mention tender and loving touches for the jewels?

Pete Bogs said...

flab - it's awesome, isn't it? like I've told k9, it's my favorite food group!

bird - it's the weekend; I rarely post outside of weekdays (last Sunday's post couldn't wait until Monday)

the next installment will probably be late next week... I never said the episodes would be back-to-back...

btw, to clarify on one of your earlier comments, I think women trim way too much off these days... I long for the nice "V" triangle of the 70s - you know, when I was a kid... lol... you have taken some of my recent posts way too seriously, I fear...

K9 said...

/bark bark bark

bogs, well done! even though some of us dogs are getting a little long in the tooth, *grrherha* we may have a trick or two to add to this fine post:

thinkin' bout poor ol woody allen (as alvy singer)massaging his jaw after a box lunch with shelly duvall: "was it good for you?" she asks. and he says something to the effect of "it will be when the feeling in my jaw comes back"....

in light of this universal situation i recommend plenty of foreplay throughout the ENTIRE evening with as much clothes on as possible. you dont want to start from scratch which greatly increases your exposure to lockjaw and queef. lots and lots of puppy like play right thru those little cotton victora secrets!

and when those wholesome little whiteys come slidin down in urgency after a full round of teasers, you're good to go!

i could tell you some things freya told me but i might wake up with an antler in my throat for using our "sacred" as blog fodder.


Pete Bogs said...

dog - "Annie Hall" was in the back of my mind... Woody was so right!

queef - LMAO! this is the kind of explicit stuff bird is hungry for... the only problem with puppy play through the panties is sometimes they get impatient and whip off the bloomers themselves... personally I like some long foreplay... long as we both can stand it...

bogs out!

CROAK said...

Thank heavens for this post, bogs as I always had the impression American men only received but did not 'give'.


Well explained!!!

Pete Bogs said...

croak - I'm happy to tell you that's not true in the least... though I will be covering the "receiving" part next week... stay tuned

Bird said...

hey - you're the one who reiterated this was a "serious post"

yeah - that v trim - that's what i'm referring to.

looooong foreplay - hahaha - you boys are a delight!

hahahaha! now i go to be endure the holy war post when i was really looking forward to something else entirely (of course, i suppose in some ways we could link oral sex to a holy war...but must we?)

infinitesimal said...

Yonicure....HAHAHAHA boyed, I got that.

Pete, not such a fan of the oral. It creeps me out. too intimate, not just something I would allow or expect. I give in if someone BEGS but can count my experiences on one hand... well, maybe two.

So, I guess your tips are cool.

But in a good relationship, the chick tells the other exactly what to do and both parties are having a ball, like best friends.... otherwise it's too well, business like.

Same reasons apply for why i don't have sex often.

so there's my 2 cents for ya.

It took me 5 minutes to get here due to your video that Mac users cannot see.

so maybe consider ditching that if you want to make everyone feel welcome.

see ya.

Pete Bogs said...

contessa - you would not likely enjoy a Bogsian encounter, as there is heavy emphasis on the oral before any other serious "stuff" happens... that's where I start - with my mouth to the South... I crave the flava, yo!

I can understand the intimacy thing to a degree, but part of the enjoyment of sex is just letting go and giving your critical faculties a break for a while... and so I would disagree that a good relationship is always a woman telling a man what to do... there should be room for "let's try this, and if you don't like it we can stop..."

I agree that getting down to business shouldn't be business-like...

I wasn't aware of anyone having problems with my videos... no one made me aware until now... thanks, I will have to look into that...

Sanford B. Hines said...

Im very tired of all this sexual perververion speak.

Madame X said...

I'm late but a very good primer!
I am impressed.

I'd just like to add that not every woman will be probably already halfway to another climax.

Some woman need recovery time!

Pete Bogs said...

Mme. X - welcome! that's true, but I did mention giving them some time to come back down to earth...

Blue said...

Hey Bogs,

Haven't been by in a while - enjoyed this post - however the bit about foreplay/female psychology bit raises an issue that I've found most men (in my experience) don't get....

Which is foreplay begins when you first see each other - a woman's clitoris is between her ears - so while the occasional chemistry only orgasm is good - for it to be sustainable, all the stuff that happens outside sexx is so much more important.

Maybe now the sex side give and take has been discussed, some extended intimacy discussion is required?

Pete Bogs said...

blue - I agree foreplay begins long before physical contact... I just chose to do a two-part post focusing specifically on oral sex... I know intimacy doesn't begin there, but I also did not want to write a novel...