Thursday, August 17, 2006

Like, A Virgin? (UPDATED)

Note: There is some debate as to whether Joseph and Mary were actually man and wife. See the link in the comments section for more info.

I think Madonna’s
confused. She’s been wearing a crown of thorns and crucifying herself at concerts on her current tour. Next she’ll be throwing stone tablets down on the crowd and parting the Red "C."


To be consistent with her namesake, shouldn’t Madonna’s big, controversial tour stunt be popping out kids without doing the nasty? Those kids could later be crucified to complete the scenario, of course.

Yeah, I agree, it’d be hard to convince anyone Madonna hadn’t done the nasty.

What’s the story on the original Madonna, anyway? Allegedly Mary was a virgin when she had J.C. How did she get past the wedding night without giving up the goods to Joseph? Was he impotent or something, living as he did 2000 years before Viagra?

Maybe theirs was simply a marriage of convenience to convince others that Joseph wasn’t really, you know, "that way."

I can't just assume Mary's lack of congress was the fault of poor Joe, though. Perhaps she was frigid?

Or maybe the "Immaculate Conception" was just a fabrication of the church, enabling them to have their salvation cake and eat it too. A savior without the dirty business or guilt. Well, guilt about his earthly parents having sex, anyway.

(Is it just me, or does "Immaculate Conception" sound like an indication there was no post-coital "leakage" from the woman?)

Apparently, Mary not only did not have to do "the act" to conceive J.C., but until that point hadn't even done her "wifely duty" by Joseph. As a man, barring one of the two explanations about him above, I can't buy that.

And, come on, even the most conservative faiths permit sex
within marriage.

So Mary was, like, a virgin mother? Yeah, like, I'm so sure.


fatty ~ said...

mary wasnt married when she 'conceived' JC. That is why Joseph was planning to quitely disengage from her. An angel told him to marry her anyway.

madonna and virgin don't seem to fit in the same sentence, but thats just me.

Pete Bogs said...

my Catholic education must have misled me - I was always told they were married... nice of Joe to hook up with a single mum, though, don't you think?

Pete Bogs said...

I'm not the only person to understand they were married... here's an entire site devoted to it...


Mayden's Voyage said...

My dear Pete...they were married, but not BEFORE Mary became Fatty said...

The babe in the womb came well before the "I do's"...

Catholic eduacation would lead one to believe that Mary was EVER a vigin...which I can not ever believe was true.

Jesus had a brother named James- and he came later :)

Pete Bogs said...

mayden - there is some debate over that... see the link... yes, Catholics want us to believe Mary was always a virgin... the premise here is that I don't buy it... and as I said, nice of Joey to take up with a single mother... I bet he met her at a lamaze class! lol

Bird said...

well, i want to touch on a different part of this - the immaculate conception.

god sent the holy spirit (really just another manifestation of god) down to mary - she was engulfed in this golden, holy light, her face became raptuorus, and viola! jesus was conceived. (but let's hope it wasn't all that quick!)

but...but..let's look at this a bit more.

essentially. god made love (he certainly wouldn't have just fucked her you know, it is god, after all) to mary (hopefully, she responded and made love back). now imagine if you will - what it would be like for a virgin to make love with the all-powerful, all-knowing god.

it must have been bliss. rapture. the best fuck in the history of humankind. oh, ooops, it was love-making, not fucking. sorry...

some day, i'll write a piece of erotica about it. actually, i already have a rough draft (it sucks, though not literally).

and surely be condemmed to hell by some.

but honestly - it must have been the most glorious orgasm ever.

mary should count her blessings indeed.

poor joseph. how could he have possibly compared as a lover?

K9 said...

/bark bark bark

Oh My God bogs! this act of heresy on madonnas part gives me the righteous authority to trash out my city, burn down record stores and protest tirelessly on her colassal dis of my faith! insensitive bitch! grrrherhaha!

sadly, the siren song of capitalism calls and i must remain focused.


Mr Q said...

"Mary was a little lamb, little lamb", I've never seen Madonna as an artist, only as a business woman. She knows how to cash in good. Madonna is as much of an artist as Julia Roberts is beautiful. Blasphemy? Yes.
About Mary J. Oblige and Joe Technicolor Coat, there so much fiction mixed with pseudofacts, that is hard for me to make a call. I'll send an email instead.

Pete Bogs said...

bird - Satan did Rosemary in Rosemary's Baby... I've heard tell he has an "icy" member, of all things... on the topic of non-Rose Mary, however, perhaps during sex, instead of yelling "Oh, God!" Mary yell, "Oh, You! YOU!!!"

k9 - as tolerant as I am, I don't connect with the symbolism of either burning flags or reenacting crucixions... or Civil Wars, for that matter...

q - true that... she calculates what will get attention and does it... the show is full of so much lipsyncing and silly dance numbers, there's little "musicianship" to it at all...