(Translated from the Spanish)
So sorry to hear about your surgery of the intestines. I imagine bleeding from the ass wasn’t much fun for you. Still, it must have been a nice change to have something pouring out of a part of you that wasn’t your mouth. I hope your posturing, shouting and podium-pounding abilities have not been permanently affected by your condition.
You know I am wondering now if you maybe hurt your intestines when you tripped and fell on live TV that time? I tried not to laugh, but I could not help myself. Sorry, comrade. You reminded me of the American Chevy Chaser (sic) on the decadent Saturday Nights (sic) Live television program, who liked to trip like clumsy Gerald Ford. Yes, I once accidentally picked up an illegal and forbidden satellite feed of American TV, but I do not think it corrupted me.
In case you are wondering about the postmark, I am now living in Miami for 10 years. I came here in a boat that used to be my living room sofa where my entire family slept. It is not much different from Havana in Miami, as I can remember, but there are fewer burros on the streets here. I can still get a decent order of platanos on the corner, so that is nice. I enjoy listening to your daughter on the radio. She is very smart, so I think she must take after her mother.
But the thing I like best about Miami, Fidel, is that I no longer have to live under your sorry, bleeding ass!
Looking forward to enjoying a nice cigar in Cuba once again after you’re dead,
Javier (surname redacted)