Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Concertgoers Are Idiots

I know it’s not right to make generalizations, but... concertgoers are idiots. Ok, not all, but a lot of them are. Ok, it’s mostly rock show attendees that are idiots. Yeah, I know – no surprise there.

As a veteran of (probably) several hundred concerts, either as a fan and/or as a stagehand (I did that for 8 years), I know of what I speak.

There are certain types of concertgoers that someone must have cloned years ago with the intention of having them exist in perpetuity. For the sake of time (human beings only live like, what, 70 years?), I’ve decided to focus on just a few of them.

People who yell for the band’s most popular song five minutes into the show. Hey, Aerosmith's probably going to do "Walk This Way" before the evening is over, just not so early in the set. Ever heard of an encore, Einstein? I don’t know about you, but I paid a fortune for these tickets and I want to hear some other songs between now and the encore. (Not from Aerosmith, actually. Just an example.)

Some people leave the show once their favorite song is played. Let’s not even go there. I don’t get it, and I don’t wanna.

People who yell during the quiet parts. There are some idiots out there who suddenly realize, hey, if I yell right now, like 20,000 people will hear me. WOOOO!!!

Thanks, dude. Obviously only the loud parts of songs should be heard. No dynamics in music for you, I see.

These people also yell when the lead singer is trying to talk to the audience between songs. He could be saying that this is his last show ever because he’s dying. He could be saying there’s a bomb in the auditorium. We’ll never know; even with his expensive PA system, we can’t hear him.

Go nuts after a particularly dexterous guitar solo. Go nuts between songs. But shut up while the main attraction is talking. I want to hear what he’s saying.

People who show up late, leave early and don’t spend very much time in their seats in between. I’ve seen this a million times: Middle-aged guy in a blazer shows up with his saline-enhanced girlfriend in tow, fifteen minutes into the show. Pardon me, scuze me, as they get to their seats. After two or three songs it’s pardon me, scuze me again as they go back in the other direction. 15 minutes pass. The happy couple returns, each with a huge, expensive, watery beer - which they obviously could not have picked up on the way in - in hand
. Pardon me, scuze me. Three or four more songs. Pardon me, scuze me again as they go off on another excursion. Then they are never to be seen again for the remainder of the show.

Who are these people, and why won’t they just die?

People who ruin the show for themselves. I’ve seen people so rowdy in line to get into the show that they get hauled off by the cops before they even get in the door. Some of them make it inside, but they don’t last long. Whatever it is the hell they did, they end up hauled out bodily by security guards and/or police. So much for seeing their favorite band. I guess they had money to burn when they bought the tickets. What a dumbass! I’m embarrassed for both of us.

Well, at least most of the bands I like will be too old to tour before long.

This just scratches the surface of bad concert behavior, obviously. These are just some of the things I encounter over and over and find particularly annoying. There are other issues, like the whole "To sit or to stand?" thing, which makes some concerts resemble a Catholic mass. But enough about this.

Sometime I'll have to post on a related topic: My backstage encounters (not that kind) with famous musicians while working as a stagehand.


Bird said...

hahahah - ever been to a dead concert bogs? the behavior there is quite ... intriguing...different..

twirlers - you gotta love 'em and hate 'em. they are fluid, lovely, but some, like a whirling dervish, get out of hand. you simply have to walk away.

those stoned-out-of-their-minds, trippy-dippy fellas are hysterical - they love everyone. just gotta deal.

twitcy cokeheads have to get a grip though.

there's always a guy with a new york accent who yells out "JERRY!" that guy is still there, yelling, even though jerry is gone.

stand vs sit? buy seats, then stand - mandatory - how can you stay seated - the whole idea is to move.

everyone's too stoned to really care if people are moving about through the seats and NO ONE says "pardon me, scuze me." instead, they grin, bob, and offer a hit of their blunt, pipe, whateva on their way to and fro.

audience participation at any point is critical- but deadheads have impecable timing in this regard and become part of the music. we are also quiet (except for occassional, appropriate outbursts of appreciation) during the space parts - because hey man, you got to follow the flow and become one with it.

who leaves early? no one. they arrive early and stay forever.

Anonymous said...

Hello. Would you like to meet Ian Anderson?! Would you like to meet him, Ian Anderson? Would you?

Pete Bogs said...

bird - I've been to a few Dead shows, yes... 20 years ago, with Jerry... it was eye-opening... I don't do drugs, so I am too uptight to tolerate a lot of things people do at shows... damn my clear mind! Dead shows are a thing unto themselves, though...

anon - you are going to get punched!

K9 said...

/bark bark bark

Freebird! yeeeeeeeew! gott damn! *whistle*


Pete Bogs said...

k9 - play it pretty for Atlanta!

liberalbanana said...

Boyfriend and I have discussed the "getting there late" thing before, too. When we went to see Bill Maher, people were showing up late to the set and BF commented that if you've paid $50 a ticket (or whatever), wouldn't you try to be EARLY?? I guess DC's traffic is unpredictable but...wait - no it isn't! It ALWAYS sucks! So plan for it, assholes! You're distracting me from the show!

Phew, I feel better now.

Pete Bogs said...

banana - exactly... I've put an investment of time, money and hearing into this show... don't interfere with my enjoyment of it, you a-hole!

Jack K. said...

Now I know why I don't waste my money and time going to the show.

Thanks for enlightening me.

Pardon me? 'scuse me?

Wow, are they out of place. Who is trying too hard to get some? Him or her?

guffaw, chortle. gag.

K9 said...

/bark bark bark

i cant wait for the backstage encounters post.


Pete Bogs said...

k9 - just some anecdotes about who was cool, and who was not, etc. I'll probably post later this week...

Greg said...

Some great points... I hate concert-goers so much that I often hate myself for basically paying $50 to be surrounded by these people.

[Nice blog, Bogs.]

Pete Bogs said...

thanks, greg... I've paid a lot more than $50 to be surrounded by idiots, let me tell you!