Thursday, June 15, 2006

Who(m) DUI You Think You're Fooling?

An open letter to Rep. Patrick Kennedy, D-R.I., who just pled guilty to driving under the influence (DUI) of an intoxicant...

Paddy, me boy, I enjoy the drink meself, but I also know that after a few pints of the bitter it’s designated driver time. You should know that too, lad.

Don’t go giving the long shillelagh of the law a reason to rap you on the knuckles that'd put Sister Mary Elephant's skills to shame. And don't go making excuses that medicines to help you sleep and make your belly feel better caused you to crash your car, stumble around, speak incoherently and try to unlock the gate to someone else's home while the cops were waiting.

I mean, yeah, the stuff can make you drowsy, but I'm not going to use my melatonin as an excuse for bad driving. Surely "temporary demonic possession" (TDP) would better explain that to the arresting officers. But you were stocious, mate. Fluthered. Stonkered. Hammered. A few jars too many. You're a Kennedy, for Christ's sake; it's in your genes.

So, now you'll pay the fines and do the AA thing. One bad decision behind the wheel doesn't mean you're an alcoholic, but just humor the people, ok? It could be much worse.

As for what this incident may do to your future in public office: No worries, you still may be president one day, just like your uncle, and stop the Venezuelan Missile Crisis. Hell, a DUI didn’t stop what’s-his-face from becoming a two-termer.

7 comments:

Hellpig said...

Toss the drunk bastard,yank his license for 2 years,then flog him then tar and feather him then ohhh sorry got away from me for a second

K9 said...

/bark bark bark

a howler! temporary demonic possession? i love it and plan to use it as my excuse for *whatever* lad. btw who knew there was important voting in the middle of the night?

/grrrrrrrrrrrrr

Jack K. said...

He should have used the Steve Martin excuse, "I forgot." Oops, that only works when not paying one's taxes. And it can only be used once.

Bogs, I could read your brogue. Tis a bit of the blarney yer been usin' lad. Keep it up. It adds the right bit of colour to the piece.

chuckle, and woot.

PS: I almost got really tacky and insensitive, and said something about swimming lessons. Not a good plan, or comment. Forget that I mentioned it. Please.

Bird said...

hahaha - swimming lessons.

i saw this bumper sticker the other day:

it's safer to go hunting with Dick Cheney than driving with Ted Kennedy.

hahahahahaha - got a kick out of that one.

now i did read somewhere that the meds Paddy boy was on, when mixed with even one drink, can cause this kind of episode. don't know how true that is. but a friend told me about a friend of hers (don't ya love the grapevine?)that was on the same med and had bizarre nocturnal incidents occur repeatedly (in her home - no driving or voting involved) until she switched meds.

geesh - i need a drink now.

Jack K. said...

bird, a drink will be fine, just watch the meds. ha, ha, ha.

Pete Bogs said...

I've had some bizarre nocturnal occurrences, too, but... oh, nevermind... I don't know if he was lying about the drinking or what, but I just wanted to have some fun with his troubles... lol... I am a multi-dimensional liberal!

hell - he is getting his license revoked in TWO states...

k9 - we, the afflicted, call it TDP... you have to talk the talk first... LOL

Karen said...

the Kennedys keep life interesting, eh!?!