Monday, June 26, 2006

It's Not A Purse, I Swear!

I bring lunch to work with me. It's usually some small frozen meal; work has an arsenal of like 30 microwaves. (Funny, I don't recall seeing a pacemaker warning. Hmm.)

My lunches require refrigeration, so although I can put them in a fridge at work, I have to transport them in an insulated cooler. For some reason I chose one of those soft ones so many people own.

The thing works like a charm. Cold or frozen items are in same condition when I arrive at work, so no problem there.

The "issue" the cooler creates is: I feel awkward walking around with it. It's a soft material, and it's got a rounded top with a handle. There's just something a little too purse-like about it.

I feel as if when I'm carrying it around other people - women especially - I want to hit the deck and start blasting my delts with pushups, or shoot an animal, or offer to open a jar of ketchup for them. Anything to make me seem more manly while toting my lunch purse.

Maybe I'm just projecting. Maybe people aren't looking at me. Maybe they aren't thinking, You just know he's got Evian, sliced avocados and some California rolls (sushi) in that thing.

But maybe they are. So I've tried to develop some ridiculous new strategies for preventing any misconceptions.

For instance, I've tried carrying the cooler in ways other than by the handle, like by its end, so the handle is facing forward, or by resting it flat in my hand. All the sexual ambiguity is in the handle, you see.

I guess I just need to do one of two things: Become secure in my lunch-style choices, or get a new cooler with, like, pictures of power tools and shit on it.

Yeah, I think I'll skip out to my car and go get a new one.

PS: F13 is now up.


Paddys_Gal said...

I don't think women notice stuff like that, at least I don't.
However, if you are in the market for a new one,
this is considered a manly lunch box. (and fits enough food for your entire office !)

K9 said...

/bark bark bark

you could get a "power rangers" or "tour of duty" or a chuck norris metal lunchbox and drop one of those frozen block things in it. or add a chain to the handle and connect it to your wrist and maybe they will think youre a arms/weedcarrier for a big shot rapper. /howl

manbags: just say no.


Pete Bogs said...

PG - I can take an entire week's lunch at once... "awesome!"

k9 - maybe I can go to the collectibles stores and see if I can reclaim the Happy Days lunchbox and thermos I had as a kid... or was it The Hardy Boys?

liberalbanana said...

Oh I totally knew you were gay. It's Bogs' coming out party! Way to come out of the closet to the whole internet! You go, girlfriend!

No but seriously, no one is looking at you funny. I think k9's idea of a metal lunchbox rocks, but Lean Cuisines don't fit in there too well... (Don't ask how I know that.)

Pete Bogs said...

Lean Cuisines? then you DO think I'm gay! I need to run out and punch someone at random to prove my machismo... be right back...

The Flabbergasted Heathen said...

Bogs, there was a company called Alpine Air Foods that made these nifty little meals. You pulled a tab that released a catalyst into a pouch and suddenly, it cooked the damn thing for you! No refrigeration required! Look into it...

fatty ~ said...

i am reminded of a seinfield episode about a man-purse.

they say a guy can where a pink shirt as long as he is oozing mascilinity - i think the same applies here. you'll be fine.

Bird said...

ok people - you've let bogs focus you totally off track -

it's not about the man purse

it's about WHAT is IN the man purse.

a small frozen meal, bogs?????? better you SHOULD have California rolls and avocados.

how bout some homemade guacomole (sp) with wasabi (yeah) in that bag? the fixings for a HERO sub sandwich (ok, a veggie HERO sandwich - they can be so intense - where's the peppericinis?) - Can't pack a fixed sandwich - they get soggy - gotta pack the makings - then impress the women in the break room with your aplomb at building a "manly" sandwich.

Besides, didn't you know bogs, women dig men who can cook - even in the limited capcity of making a helluva a sandwich - it's very MANLY.

it's all abou the food - not the container - geesh!

don't y'all know ANYTHING?

Pete Bogs said...

flab - sounds like military MREs... mmm, catalyst...

fatty - funny you should say that... as I felt awkward about the cooler I also realized that I was living a sort of Seinfeldian scenario... making insignificant details into neuroses...

bird - I can cook... I can punch 3:00 into a microwave like nobody's business! I used to work with a guy who assembled sandwiches as you've described... he had a full size container of mustard, whole tomatoes, a loaf of bread and all that stuff with him... besides the amount of time that'd take, it'd also take a full-size cooler... I'm working, not tailgating! LOL

Jack K. said...

I can't believe you are so insecure in your masculinity. F**k the idiots.

BTW, I didn't know you could read minds.

You should see the cool shoulder bags that French men carry.

A friend once told me, "If folks don't like what you are wearing, they are always free to buy you a replacement." I think the same thing goes with coolers when they are used a fashion accessory.

Get over it, and enjoy your lunch. Just don't get to close to the microwave. It could screw up your pacemaker.


Jack K. said...

Then there is always peanut butter.

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