Friday, April 28, 2006

If I Were A Carpenter Ant, And You Were a Ladybug

If you could be anything other than human - and I realize some of you already are, what creature would you want to be?

For me this is more than a simple “get to know your psyche” question; I’ve genuinely thought about it and have come up with some sensible answers.


Birds have a big advantage in my view because they can live seamlessly in two environments
both the land and the air. Their literal ability of flight from danger is enviable.

Downside: Birds tend to be the Christian Scientists of the animal world. If you’re a young bird and you fall out of the nest, they leave you to your fate. Thanks, folks.


Turtles also flourish in two environments – water and land. Their hard shells are formidable defense against their enemies. They get to spend lots of time at the beach! Oh, and the Teenage Mutant Ninja variety get to enjoy pizza.

Downside: Yup, they’re pretty slow, and fecked if they end up on their backs. And yup, it's Domino's.

Do you have a taste for the predator’s life? How does the idea of a prehensile tail grab you? Would you object to going without opposable thumbs?

Tell me.

PS: No unicorns or other chimeras, please.


Bird said...

birds are messengers of the gods. and seers as well. we are also spies - maybe for good, maybe for evil - we can rival the NSA wiretapping and satelite tracking system any time.

so don't mess with us - lest we attack your town, your children, and peck the eyes out of unwitting old farmers and spinster elementary teachers aching for a lost love.

we rule the air (as long as we don't get sucked up in the engines of those super-bus airplanes).

and hey, if those little fledgelings are stupid enough to fall out of the nest, the heck with them. if i told little johnny once, i told him a thousand times - quit squirming and don't peer over edge of the nest until you have your wings and i approve your flight plan.

Pete Bogs said...

bird - figured you'd chime in...

I forgot to mention the fact that both birds and turtles can live a hell of a long time - much longer than humans...

presidentbobo said...


Once, I had a vision that came to me while in an altered state. It was my spirit animal - the beaver. The beaver is a powerful spirit animal because it can traverse both land and water and it likes to chew on wood.

K9 said...

/bark bark bark

it dont get no better than rotty.

i might

choose rat and survive
choose hawk and soar
choose dolphin and be intelligent (but then you have to swim with people in a corral while they squeal and run their hands all over you...i hate that vacation concept but thats another post)

never ever choose domestic cat.
(how's finchey BTW?)


K9 said...

/bark bark bark

yeah bird = who can you identify with in "the birds?"
frozen tippy? the jerk mitch? the old lady and brat? maybe suzanne pleshette (her eyes got plucked out?????)...but no, i always pull for the birds. thats what they get for caging a thing meant to be free.


liberalbanana said...

I would be a monkey so I could throw my poop at people who stand in front of the metro doors.

Bird said...

if not a bird, then a monkey - the trickster. iwas born in the year of the monkey.

better yet - a flying monkey - like the ones in the movie, The Wizard of Oz, only with intelligence and not under the spell of the Wicked Witch of the West.

(man, those monkeys scared the be-jeezuz out of me when i was little.)

Paddys_Gal said...

I've always kind of envied the life of a pelican - flying, swimming, hanging out at the beach... (the all-fish-all-the-time diet doesn't appeal to me, though)

The Flabbergasted Heathen said...

So many options.

A moose would be good...nature's version of the tank. He gets to live in the woods all day, he's over two meters tall, how can you go wrong?

Flight's tempting though. Birdwise, I'd have to go with some kind of falcon. Yeah, raptors are cool.

I also love the water...but moose spend a lot of time there...

It's settled.

I want to be a moose with a rocket pack!

Pete Bogs said...

wow, such diverse choices...

the flying monkeys were terrifying indeed... they'd be even more so if they flung poop to incapacitate their victims, eh liberal banana?

mmm... beavers...

pelicans are cool... they love to hover above the water and dive headlong in when they see something tasty...

Finchy his lady friend are fine... they dine here together regularly... he doesn't sing as much - I guess his mouth is full... I'm also seeing some black birds (possibly blackbirds) and a cardinal came by with his red mohawk yesterday... ahh, too much Animal Planet for me lately!

Jack K. said...

I would like to borrow a vision of a former battalion chaplain who wanted to come back as an alligator. His rationale was, he would lie at the bottom of the lake/pond/ stream and look up at the human ladies who would be swimming by.

Just a thought.

Pete Bogs said...

jack - would he make lunch of them, or would they make a purse out of him?

Bill said...

It's always the question of who will eat who and that even applies to birds. Not all birds of course are other bird eaters, just hawks. If I were an animal I would rather be a dog I suppose. However, flying is definitely an asset. Of course all birds don't fly, stool pigeons and jail birds being two examples of that variety showing that some people have already come back as another creature other than human.

Jack K. said...

He was too pious to make that committment. I suspect he was silently lusting after them. After all, he is just a man.

Jack K. said...

Now to really answer the question. No animal popped into my mind. I think that means that I would rather be the human animal. Although as soon as I wrote that sentence I remembered considering myself a chameleon. I tend to adapt to whatever situation in which I find myself.

Thanks for the exercise.

fatty ~ said...

aha - listen to bird...

i'd sooo be an eagle or hawk...

way cool man - flying high and attacking fast ;)

K9 said...

/bark bark bark

if you go with monkey you are more likely to end up as bushmeat or a part of some weird science project - like having to watch laverne and shirley over and over so the researchers can record how quickly you go insane.


Pete Bogs said...

k9 - yeah, but as a monkey in some cases you get all the diapers you can use... helper monkeys!!!

of course, you're literally a slave to the man then...

"Get you something out of the fridge? Yeah, I'll do it, but I'll SPIT in the shit before I hand it to you!"

ardlair said...

Only one choice.



Swims up right inside your anus or dick and causes intense irritation.

Just like me.

infinitesimal said...

the Grendel.

or on good days,

a Pegasus

Pete Bogs said...

Infini - you are not only a tulip thief, you are a rebel... you chose the forbidden chimeras, but who can blame you?

how about Snuffleufagus?

Hellpig said...

Time to act.
Fight Back.
Monday May 1st is designated for an immigration protest. Over at Freedom Watch, Doll has her first pod cast up; she is going to be good at it you can tell.
Her suggestion on the May 1st boycott is the same as I have been mentioning on some of your sites, Shop and take notes of the businesses that are either affected by the boycott by a shortage in labor or participating in it because of their ties to Illegal immigration.
She suggests calling the I.C.E. to investigate any business that is closed for hiring practices. I also suggest that we do not patronize any business that condones or participates in this action.
For every action there is an equal but opposite reaction. Basic physics, our reaction must be severe in order to let these illegal’s know exactly whose country this is. This is OUR country. This is not Mexico. Yes I’m singling out MEXICO, the squeaky wheel gets the grease, and they are the only ones we hear now. They are rewriting MY national anthem. This is a disgrace to any AMERICAN that sits by and lets this happen. IF you don’t do something, you have no right to bitch when you have to learn the national language, Spanish, because that is what it is coming to.

Just so everyone understands the seriousness of this, it is the only time I have ever told my wife “Please, lets go shopping”
That is a big sacrifice but nowhere near the kind of sacrifice that is needed now.

**This was a production of The Coalition Against Illegal Immigration (CAII). If you would like to participate, please go to the above link to learn more. Afterwards, email the coalition and let me know at what level you would like to participate.

Pete Bogs said...

hell - I think the Spanish language Star-Spangled Banner controversy is pretty silly... it reminds me of the Pre-Vatican II Catholic church, where Mass was said only in Latin... it's not the language, it's the meaning of the words that counts... so, no problem for me there...

immigration isn't a specialty topic of mine, but I did cover it when a friend of mine was deported... I can see some aspects of both sides, and think both sides need to be more reasonable...

Hellpig said...

They re-wrote the anthem,and I am just calling attention to the May 1st boycott,and to take note of businesses and illegals so they can be reported to authorities,I will be targeting health clinics,our state has to pay 75million back to medacaid because of illegals,75 million that could have fed the entire states hungry or provided health care to Americans who deserve it

sorry 4 being off topic but u know me thread jumper hellpig

infinitesimal said...

I don't know where you get your information pal, but it is
Snuffel up BA gus

not "FA gus"

do not destroy a childhood memory by telling me I am wrong.
others have tried.

Pete Bogs said...

hey, I thought Bing Crosby and Bill Cosby were the same person... illusions do get shattered, sadly...

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