Monday, April 17, 2006

Bogs Bares All

This past weekend the weather here was perfect, and I took advantage of it by relaxing poolside at a quiet, sunny location.

A nudist resort, to be exact.

Not a colony, mind you - ants and lepers live in those. (And don't let the word "resort" fool you; the place is really nice, but the day rate is very affordable. I'm not made of money.)

The same place where Paris Hilton got a "job" as a maid for her reality TV show is a short drive from my front door. But unlike that episode, there were no smiley faces covering anyone's flesh during my visit.

This was not my first jaunt there, nor my second. Nor my last.

For the uninitiated, yes, it's weird at first. Then after a few minutes you just settle in and go with it. I have a theory that some latent primal sense kicks in, as we are born au naturel, and we haven't always been quite so modest as a race as we humans
now tend to be.

What happens is the social paradigm suddenly flips to where you would actually feel awkward walking around clothed, as that's a sure way to stand out.

As I mentioned, this was a family destination. Nudity is more natural to kids than it is to adults; they don't know to be embarrassed about it until we tell them to be.

Nudist resorts are unapologetically biased against men, who often are not allowed in without a female companion. Women, on the other hand, may visit by themselves.

I know why they do this - to prevent gawkers - but I still disagree with the discriminatory policy. Come to think of it, though, if I ran such a place that's just how I'd want it, albeit for selfish reasons.

OK, the unisex locker room is kind of a peculiar experience. I attribute that vibe to the close quarters and to those many bad movies where guys go to great lengths to peek into the girls' showers. And here I am just walking right in the door!

There are apparently nudists of every age, though there seem to be fewer teens than any other age group. I imagine it could be awkward for them, as they're just getting used to their "new" bodies.

I note also with bafflement and slight amusement that people of every age and background have tattoos and/or piercings everywhere you can imagine. That straight-laced doctor of yours? Quite possibly. And your kids' teachers, too.

This one aspect did make me stand out somewhat among others. Alas, no body art - just really great hands, apparently. The rest of me ain't so bad, but naturally no cameras are permitted in the place. So, you just dodged a bullet.

I've been told by some questionable sources that I'm not too adventurous. Many of the same people who would chide me about not wanting to jump
out of an airplane or into the abyss with a large rubber band attached to my ankle, however, would say "No way!" to my weekend diversion. Wimps!

As I said, it becomes normal very quickly to be nude in front of strangers. So much so that readjusting to the outside world later feels odd. You get comfortable, but by the end of the day must accept that you cannot simply go on your way in that state of undress.

Extremely shy or modest people may understandably never want to visit a nudist resort. I don't see a big market there for, say, Muslims. But those who believe it's "immoral" or "shady" are sadly quite ignorant. And they have no idea what they're missing!

Seriously, what's the ideal way to swim or get some sun - clothed? Nope.

A bit of advice for anyone who ever does decide to grin and bare it all: It rubs the lotion on its skin or it gets a really bad sunburn everywhere the sun don't normally shine. As you can imagine. Yowch!

19 comments:

Jack K. said...

Good for you, Pete. Thanks for another view of life, au naturel. I have not had the opportunity to be so adventuresome. Probably won't either. Perhaps the next life.

I do remember a unique experience during my last tour in Nam. While using the urinal in the men's room at MACV HQ, I was greeted by the Vietnamese woman whose job it was to clean the place. Had I only known more of the language I might have learned more. At least we passed greeting pleasnatries. Lol.

Bird said...

nudity schmudity - i'm miffed that you had "perfect weather."

i am a moldy, mildewed, damp, soggy mess and would like some "perfect weather."

i don't think i could handle a nudist resort, though a nice nudist beach would be quite comfortable. body surfing au naturel must be lovely.

of course, i worry about skin cancer. argh.

but actually, i have no need to worry - the sun will never, ever shine again in california (forecasters have spread a rumor that the sun will shine and the temps will heat up to the 70s later this week, but i'm not buying it.)

liberalbanana said...

Wow, I'm impressed. I would never have the balls to do that. Okay, well, I'd never have balls, period, but you know what I mean. :) Good for you.

Pete Bogs said...

jack - it's my job to make these sacrifices so others like you don't have to... my pleasure!

did the Vietnamese woman turn on the sink and hand you a paper towel, so you could tip her for doing something you could very easily do yourself? :-)

bird - we will pay for this weather later with wildfires... I've never been to a nudist beach... there's only one in the state and it's hours away... it's a shame that a state with so much coastline can't have more, but this is the South after all...

libana - good, balls don't suit you! seriously, it's like anything else where that first step is the hardest, then afterwards you wonder what you were making such a big deal over... but certainly it's not for everyone...

The Flabbergasted Heathen said...

I used to be naked far more often than I am now. Mostly now because I spend my days trapped behind a desk as opposed to being in the woods where I belong.

I'm sorry, I can't resist...

How do you find the blind man at the nudist colony?

...

...

...

It's not hard.

Pete Bogs said...

flab - actually, he's the guy who everyone is running away from, lest they get goosed with his walking stick...

Hellpig said...

Bogs I get a visual of that show from the BBC "little Britan" ever see it? LMAO..aside from that you are my hero.

Bird Washington state thanks to global warming(COUGHbullshitCOUGH)now has the California weather of yesteryear.sorry

Mr Q said...

Bogs, how can someone like me stop staring at the hot bodies? I know is probably the wrong place for it but how is that done? Or is it easy because of the majority carrying snow on their heads? Never been a nudist by pleasure, it's has been a job requirement.

Pete Bogs said...

hell - nope, haven't seen the show...

yes, you see there is more to me than liberal commentary and fancy suits... there are birthday suits, too...

mr q - good question... 1) don't stare and 2) don't think too much about what you're seeing... basically don't look at or think too long about anything you see... we're only human, but we don't want to be barred for life, either... lol

Jack K. said...

No, she didn't. She was much more civil than that. She understood the concept of serving in the highest sense. It was my honor to be recognized by her. What else can I say?

Pete Bogs said...

jack - I was joking about the latrine attendant... a lot of bars, clubs and restaurants have them today, though...

fatty ~ said...

not sure whether i'm comfortable enough to do that. Though i don't see anything wrong with it.

There are beaches in sydney which are nudie areas. Just metres below the Gap Walk in South Head. People are hanging around the rocky beaches au naturel. Its quite odd so close to tourist attractions.
Mostly you only see retired old guys there though.

LadyM said...

Ha! More Buffalo Bill humor. It never gets old:)

Pete Bogs said...

thanks, m'lady... I try to fit it in wherever I can!

btw, the new Clerks 2 trailer has Silent Bob spoofing the "putting on makeup" scene from SotL... the music is even the same...

K9 said...

/bark bark bark

the nekkid resort sounds like a preview of hell to me. i don't think people wear nearly enough clothes in everyday life. ever see a dog whose been shaved? the embarassment is severe!

/howl

Pete Bogs said...

k9 - funny you should say that, because it's a bit of paradise... just "go to a happy" place if you see something you don't like...

yeah, those hairless dogs are freakin' ugly!

Pete Bogs said...

bird - fyi, the clouds and wind are blowing in here now... the rain will be here later... if that makes you feel any better? ;-)

Anonymous said...

Hey Pete,

You forgot to mention those who wear a simple rubber band around their wrist.

i.e. indicates they also are swingers.

Pete Bogs said...

anon - seriously? I thought that meant they were Lance Armstrong supporters?