We must put a stop to these cheeky, smart-assed, wisecracking teenaged girls!
It’s uncharacteristic for me, a vocal opponent of the dress code during my high school days, to be on this side of the argument. But it's for everyone's good that I say hip-huggers and midriff-baring shirts must go!
There are other non-uptight people who feel this way, too; it's not just me.
I’m not saying I believe this manner of undress is inherently indecent. The human body is something my culture is way too uptight about.
The indecent part is 16-year-old girls walking about with their colorful dainties visible to the extent that a passerby can read the brand name and size.
Or, rather, me seeing that is the indecent part. If I were still Catholic, I’d have to go to confession for coveting and other mind-crimes daily.
Why don't I just look away? Well, because they’re everywhere, so no matter where I look... And because these underthings are designed to be appealing.
I blame society. Anyone else but myself.
I’d never suggest there should be a dress code enforced by law, as was once proposed in Louisiana. Prudently, the state’s legislature laughed off the idea. They weren’t ready to deputize a “fashion police” force, deciding instead to leave that to women’s magazines and gay men’s TV shows.
What I suggest is that young women especially move on to the next fashion paradigm with haste. Say, some very long shirts. A nice tucked-in look, perhaps. High-riding pants.
There’s nothing worse than catching a “plumber’s crack,” only to have said tradesperson turn and reveal herself to be a 16-year-old coed. OK, getting caught catching one is worse.
These young women always hastily and, might I add, fruit-of-the-loom-lessly try to adjust their britches. Butt, or rather, but, you can’t cover up for long when the waistline of your pants is an inch above the crotch.
And though both the "crack of Dawn" showing and viewing may have been unintentional, Dawn always has a dirty look for you. What, did you not know your size when you bought your jeans? Did that store have mirrors? Did someone besides yourself dress you today?
Here's a suggestion: Next time you're trying on a pair of pants, turn away from the mirror(s), squat down and then look back at the mirror(s). See? See there? It's you, it's not me, ok?
I’d rather not have to deal with this at all.
Which is why I say, next fashion thing, please present yourself ASAP. Print and electronic media, I’m looking to you to set the tone for our influential youth. You can make them think they're fat, so why not this? Let it be known – if your shirt’s not long or tucked in, or if your pants don't reach your navel, you ain't the shiznit.
In the meantime, I suggest young women in particular take a good close look at what they’re wearing, lest some unsavory character should beat them to it.