Saturday, March 04, 2006

Remote Control Sharks (No Batteries Required)

"You know, I have one simple request, and that is to have sharks with FRICKIN' LASER BEAMS attached to their heads!" - Dr. Evil

Dr. Evil may soon get his wish, or something close to it.

A group of US military scientists are seeking to ensure that sharks are not only armed with teeth, but one day may be armed to the teeth. They're developing a way to implant devices into sharks' brains that will enable them to track enemy vessels and perform other stealth operations by remote control.

Implants will also be used to detect and send information about chemical and electrical traces back to the shark's controller (not to give female sharks more sex appeal).

Using the sharks as some kind of weapon is inevitable, should these experiments prove successful.

We're talking Day of the Dolphin on steroids (or electrodes). In that movie talking dolphins had magnetic bombs strapped to their backs, and were trained to attach the bomb to the bottom of a vessel before swimming away to safety.

"Fa love Pa..." KABOOM!!!

What's next, talking sharks?

Actually, some divers and surfers might fancy that, seeing as they may be able to reason with the shark and convince it to eat something else.

Still, all this messing around with nature for military (or any other) purposes doesn't seem right.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Johnny meet jones.......

Pete Bogs said...

um, okay...

The Flabbergasted Heathen said...

What about humans? I read an article in the paper a few months ago (maybe the resourseful amongst us can find it online) about a helmet that would allow a person wearing is to be controlled by remote control.

It had something to do with altering their equalibrium through sound waves or magnets, or something. You put on the helmet, start walking, and the perosn with the remote control can "steer" you.

Modify nature all you want, just leave ME the hell alone!

Anonymous said...

you know what? i hate this. its very wrong. so exploitive its repulsive. i dont even think porpoises should be made available to be touched and swam with for entertainment. ....unless the gate to open sea is always open and they decide they want to swim in and hang with people on their terms. and heathen -you offer up anything just so they dont take you? nice stand. better start practicing on behalf of your slick brothers now so as to save your own ass later.

Pete Bogs said...

messing with nature ultimately impacts us, though that's not the only reason not to mess with it... I don't consider sharks my friends, but I hate more exploitation for yet another military venture...

ffff said...

If you want to mess with sharks then you may bite off more than you can chew especially down here in Oz land where we get quite heated about US going into THEIR territory then get pissed off when they attack us. Geez... everytime I enter the sea I know I am taking a risk.

Why can't we just lock the military bosses up in one room, or on one island and let them sort out their greivences and leave the rest of us to get on with making love and life.

The Flabbergasted Heathen said...

If you want to genetically modify sharks to be viscious killing machines that you control to suit your whim...yeah, that's bad.

But strapping on a few electrodes to record and transmit what they're already experiencing? What's the problem?

fatty ~ said...

its disgusting an exploitative sure - but more than that - its totally going too far..
you can't tamper with nature and living things without their being consequences. Sharks are deadly already, making them more so is just asking for trouble.

i can just see a few half-crazed sharks in captivity accidently escaping into the oceans near a heavily populated port - with laser beams attached to their heads and an emnity of humans

Pete Bogs said...

the electrodes don't merely transmit back what's there, they stimulate parts of the sharks' brains to where the controller can "steer" them as they see fit... I think that would mess with a shark's mind and make it even more aggressive and dangerous...

and since the sharks can be "steered," how long will it be before they are used as guided missiles?

btw, there was a bad movie mad about super-smart, super-dangerous sharks a while back:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0149261/

Alison and FATTY: Oz is someplace I really want to visit when I have the time and money... however, my visits to your wonderful beaches will only be to lie in the sun... I'll swim in swimming pools and that's about it... no joke...

presidentbobo said...

I just want to know if there are sharks in Afghanistan. Are we using every available resource to smoke out those evildoers, namely Osama, from of their spider holes - including sending sharks? Surely the land shark has been dispatched to act with extreme prejudice. Surely...
Remote control sharks! Shouldn't those scientists be working on our laser shield? We need to defend ourselves against all the missiles - especially since everybody seems to have them now. I think a Death Star or even a mission to Mars would be way more useful than a f*cking remote control shark!

ffff said...

Swim in the sea when you get here. It is beautiful and luxurious. Like anything you just have to be sensible. Know when to stay out of the water and when it is ok. Plenty of Aussies here to help you stay safe.
Promise

Normy said...

What the F**k? That is the most bizarre thing I've heard in a long time.

Pete Bogs said...

Pres - good points... sharks need to be adapted for desert warfare...

ali - ok, I'll swim, but I'll bring a mate along... I'll have John Howard and will feed him to a great white, should I encounter one, giving me time to swim to safety...

normy - consider the source...