Tuesday, March 14, 2006

I Could’ve Had A 4-F!

That butterfly tattoo adorning the lower back of many a young woman nowadays means that cute little behind may never see the inside of a US military uniform.

Ditto for the guys, wherever and whatever their ink may be.

Despite dropping enlistment numbers, a whopping 75% of otherwise eligible American youths are being disqualified from military service for their “body art,” aka tattoos and piercings.

Man, and I thought getting a tattoo was a required part of shore leave for navy recruits.

The body art prohibition adds a potential new angle to military draft dodging.

One way to avoid the draft during Vietnam was to hop the border to Canada. Or, you could obtain 4-F status (ineligible for the draft) by having kids, getting married, being gay or being white.

Then there was the “MIA in Alabama” tactic (George W. Bush), having other priorities at the time (Dick Cheney), and having a hair up one's ass (Rush Limbaugh). These guys are far more creative than I gave them credit for.

Alas, the tattooing and piercing trends started much too late for these American heroes.

Today’s young draftee would have it easier, it seems. Instead of feigning homosexuality by showing up at the induction center hand-in-hand with his best friend; he can just show the draft board his pierced scrotum or bitchin' naked lady tattoo.

In America, it seems the needle is mightier than the sword.

Note to self: Tell draft-age nephews to get inked and/or pierced before the US overextends itself and starts a war with Iran.

22 comments:

infinitesimal said...

Great Post!

I wonder if they figure tatooed people are subversive and may screw things up by not following orders?

Curious...
Now I'll have a go at those links...

TTFN!

ardlair said...

I wonder what the rationale behind this is.

Is it to prevent any high level classified information enclosed in your tattoo, like "Elvis is King" , from falling into the hands of the enemy?

Maybe it is just so that the enemy don't think you are softies - although it is easier just to shoot you to prove that you are soft than to wait to see the whites of your thighs.

It is particularly puzzling as tattoos could be very useful in battle for infantry. If you tattooed "This way" just above the panty line of each troopers butt ( if US troopers wear panties - they may of course go commando) then people behind would follow on. There would then be no need for natural leaders.

So overall, I am just plain mystified.

I have a tattoo, but now is not the time for self revelation.

Pete Bogs said...

I imagine the tats and piercings (the latter could arguably be a liability in combat) just don't fit with the trimmed hair and sharp, pressed uniform look of the military, a very conservative institution indeed...

some tattoed/pierced guys are so scary looking anyway, it seems like they could be used effectively to demoralize the enemy...

ard makes an interesting point - a tattoo could be mistaken for a topographical map or some kind of "signal," for which this soldier could be interrogated:

"Who is this 'Mama' anyway? Is she your inside person. Tell me the identity of Mama!!!"

presidentbobo said...

Remeber Braveheart? (OK, it is probably better if we don't) Anyway those warriors had tats and killer face paint. Think how kick-ass our forces would be if they all sported facial tats. I am thinking of Darth Maul here. Sure, the soldiers may not be able to blend back into society but I think the current adminstration is trying to prove that soldiers are expendable anyway. I am just saying...

Pete Bogs said...

Darth Maul is a perfect example, pres! they'll run for the hills when they see that coming for them!

Hellpig said...

Bogs if your nephews are lucky they won't have to mutilate their bodies,maybe they will turn out to be homosexuals.

Pete Bogs said...

they're doing quite well with the ladies, though if they were gay it wouldn't change anything for me...

The Flabbergasted Heathen said...

You could assure your status by having the assemby instructions for a Stinger missle tattooed on your arm...just a thought.

Ok, if you want to come up here to avoid the draft. Come on up, you're welcomed! If you joined up voluntarily, however, stay there! You didn't enlist to bake muffins sweetheart!

Pete Bogs said...

muffin baking was in the bloody brochure! they promised!

ffff said...

The New Zealand warriors have amazing fracial tatoos ( as do the women). So they can never be seconded for the US army. Thank god for that.
Right now I will have to consider getting a tattoo just to piss of Pres Bush.
Nah I'll just stay here in Oz.

jess (of Get Sconed!) said...

Man I cannot stop thinking about getting a tattoo...

Anonymous said...

or being white.


LMAO!

ChasingMoksha said...

Hey that was me, I am not Anonymous said...

They will change their tune if old Bushie boy does not pull out of Iraq soon. Perhaps Rummy is counting on the economy getting worst and the military becoming a viable job market. shrug.

Pete Bogs said...

moksha - they may have to... they can't be so choosey when there are so recruits to choose from... I've already heard about the relaxing "criminal record" standards for enlistment... hmm...

Bird said...

what's not clear in the article is what percentage are rejected for health reasons, for lack of a high school diploma, and then for the other stuff - like tats and piercings.

however, those recruiters do love those boys who are overhyped on violent video games that "simulate" murder and combat.it's all just a game.

as for tats - maybe all mothers should have their children tattoed right after birth.

JUST SAY NO TO THE MILITARY.

Blue said...

Just get a 'made in Australia' tat. OR maybe 'genuine US meat' :-)

Evil Anne McFlint said...

Whew. Good thing I endured all these tats and piercings. I guess I don't have to move up north and become a 'hoser,' eh?

Pete Bogs said...

lots of great suggestions here... tattooed at birth, allegiance to foreign countries, etc.

I don't think Canada will take us anymore... just yesterday I heard about a guy who had gone there in 1968 to escape Vietnam - he's now been extradited back to the US after all this time!

Evil Anne McFlint said...

Ouch! You know it's bad when Canada kicks us out. NOW I'm truly scared.

The Flabbergasted Heathen said...

No bogs, he went to the States on vacation, and then he got arrested. We didn't send him.

Pete Bogs said...

flab - thanks for the clarification... I cited that example off the top of my head after hearing a little snippet on the radio about it... but it is my understanding Canada is no longer a haven for any future US draft-dodgers... a treaty between the two governments or something...

The Flabbergasted Heathen said...

Nope, draft dogers are still welcomed. If you enlist, and THEN try to come up, you're screwed...but who knows what the new Conservative government will do.