Thursday, February 16, 2006

It’s Time For Carl To Go

You might think this is going to be about Mr. Rove, but it’s not. That diminutive demon spells his name with a "K," like Karl Marx.

No, I’m talking about NPR’s Morning Edition newscaster Carl Kasell.

Sure, he’s got an impressive resume, but he’s got a horrible radio voice. He's a living oxymoron.

Each morning, as Carl reads the news, he sounds as if he’s chewing on a candy bar. His lips smack like he’s really enjoying it, too. The sound effects are very graphic; you can almost picture the chocolate dripping down his chin, and his colleagues getting splashed like they’re in the front row at a Gallagher show.

Man, I'd hate to have to clean that microphone.

Why is it that newspersons always talk funny? Kassel is the Droopy Dog of radio, Brokaw has trouble with the letter “L,” Walters with "R," and Jennings was Canadian.

It’s a sign of their questionable judgment that NPR actually nudged out a guy like Bob Edwards, who hosted the morning show since it debuted in 1979, while letting Kasell stay. Edwards had a deep, smooth and clear voice. And he sounded like he could wait for a snack.

Now it’s not my desire to see anyone in the unemployment line. I just want a less-disturbing voice reading me the disturbing news of death, destruction and mayhem each morning.

Carl could certainly keep some off-mic duties, like writing and producing. OK, maybe he could even keep his job hosting Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! His voice might actually be an asset to the game show buffoonery.

By the way, if you’ve never heard that show, it entails listeners answering news trivia questions for the chance to win an answering machine greeting from Mr. K himself. If you prefer an articulate message on your home machine, you're probably better off having Charlie the local gibbering derelict record it.

16 comments:

infinitesimal said...

I smell like gardenias...

presidentbobo said...

Bogs,

It was an unpleasant task but it needed to be said. Sadly, I agree. Carl sounds like he didn't have time for lunch and just needs to get a few quick bites in before that next segment on Palestine.
Overheard at NPR:
Two minutes to air, folks. Hey, Carl want an Everlasting Gobstopper? How about a fresh pouch of Big Chew? Hey, who took my plate of ribs? Carl, was that you?

infinitesimal said...

SUNG perfume, thanks for asking...

Pete Bogs said...

a friend described Carl as sounding like he has a "mouthful of chewy nougat!" more than one of my friends has commented on his unsettling voice... I get all kinds of images from it - not of them good...

Jack K. said...

Check out this site: Namaste I think you will find it very interesting to learn that there are folks in the good old US of A who share some of your concerns about national leadership.

Pete Bogs said...

thanks, Jack... I do some yoga now and then...

Pres - are you an ex-pat? do they play Morning Edition in Amsterdam? do tell, alstublieft...

K9 said...

let us also say vaarwel to the "K" karl in van hem folk manifestation. of NPR i know not. i hate all noise.

bogshond!
geen hertevlees voor de biermens! ha ha ha

K9 said...

also,

ha ha ha

i try and see you in my mind with yoga and pint.

Pete Bogs said...

freya, it's very hard to do some postures without spilling the pint...

presidentbobo said...

I left my heart in the Leidseplein. If you go there you might find it sitting in an emtpy pint glass... As for being an ex-pat, well, someday. I hear Denmark is a swell place...

Zya said...

You do Yoga? Are you sure? Are you positive you aren't just bending over to pick the remote up? Hehe just teasing :)

I don't know this guys voice... never heard of him, but I don't think I want to know eh...

Thanks for your psychoanalysis! I might have to hire you to delve into my brain ;)

Pete Bogs said...

Prez - I've been to the Leidseplein... enjoyed many a pint (and half-pint) there... I expected it would be Dutch beers only, but they had some of the best Guinness there...

Zya - sorry, Mr. K's probably familiar only to us Yanks... BE HAPPY YOU DON'T HAVE TO HEAR HIM! ;-)

Fovere said...

IF we're going to fire someone from npr lets get rid of terri gross first....*please*

Pete Bogs said...

you can start a Terri Gross petition drive if you want... so far only Carl's voice offends me...

Jack K. said...

How about this? W, Dick and Karl as the present day Three Stooges? Nah! The original three Larry, Moe amd Curly were much funnier.

Pete Bogs said...

Karl as Curly - I love it!!! I can just see them poking each other's eyes...