Global warming has been blamed for the melting of glaciers, which in turn is shrinking the polar bear’s natural habitat.
But there’s new evidence the bears themselves may actually be contributing to the big defrost.
Some say it’s polar bears’ well-known affinity for a certain carbonated beverage that’s a factor in the phenomenon.
Just as cow flatulence produces methane that harms the ozone layer, so do the polar bear’s carbonation-induced belches.
An emperor penguin known as “Tux,” who was a background extra in the hit film March of the Penguins, provided a firsthand account of the polar bears’ detrimental habits.
“Jesus H. Christmas, it sounds like a jackhammer sometimes. They just drink and burp and drink and burp. And with all that caffeine, they of course stay up all night making that racket.”
The shrinking polar bear habitat may soon put the animals on the endangered species list. But at least one other animal won’t be crying about that.
“Who do you think picks up all those empty cans and bottles?,” said Tux. “It’s not them, I can tell you. Just because I look like a servant doesn't mean I am one. Those selfish pigs deserve to lose their homes.”