Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Fluorocarbonation

Global warming has been blamed for the melting of glaciers, which in turn is shrinking the polar bear’s natural habitat.

But there’s new evidence the bears themselves may actually be contributing to the big defrost.

Some say it’s polar bears’ well-known affinity for a certain
carbonated beverage that’s a factor in the phenomenon.

Just as
cow flatulence produces methane that harms the ozone layer, so do the polar bear’s carbonation-induced belches.

An emperor penguin known as “Tux,” who was a background extra in the hit film March of the Penguins, provided a firsthand account of the polar bears’ detrimental habits.

“Jesus H. Christmas, it sounds like a jackhammer sometimes. They just drink and burp and drink and burp. And with all that caffeine, they of course stay up all night making that racket.”

The shrinking polar bear habitat may soon put the animals on the endangered species list. But at least one other animal won’t be crying about that.

“Who do you think picks up all those empty cans and bottles?,” said Tux. “It’s not them, I can tell you. Just because I look like a servant doesn't mean I am one. Those selfish pigs deserve to lose their homes.”

23 comments:

Jack K. said...

Damn, I never thought about it that way. Could it be our capitalistic, profit driven view of the world is still at fault.

The real question that needs to be investigated is, "Who's getting rich from selling all of those carbonated beverages?"

I wonder if this is another job for Homeland Security?

Thanks for your sense of humor. I did detect one, didn't I?

Serve well! Live fully! Do good works!

Pete Bogs said...

do you really have to ask?

the cow part is completely true... why not the polar bear part?

presidentbobo said...

Bogs,

Please be careful what you post. If you offend the polar bears they may riot. Then they might burn down all the glaciers.

Pete Bogs said...

that's ok, pres - I can always hold another rally somewhere...

Hellpig said...

Watch what you say Bogs,I am a member of PBPCB(Polar Bears for the Pursuit of Carbonated Beverages) Don't make me call the ACLU(American Criminal Liars Union)

Jack K. said...

There is no doubt in my mind. I just needed your keen insights and superior skill and knowledge to lead me down the right path.

t said...

Wow, subtle comedy as ever from a conservative. I'm bookmarkin' this page. Truly hilarious.

Anonymous said...

Bawgs, dear,yoo hoo!
Mercy, polar bears and bird flu?!
Whut did y'all let happen while I was gone?

Aunty Belle has returned from Aunt Cecily's. But honey, I did not unpacked mah bags before I dashed in heah to send you just an itty bitty note.

The wolfhound had been painted by a neighborhood man and given as a present to Cecily. Wasn't that niiice? And yes, it WAS an Irish wolfhound,as you asked, not a Russian.

But mah gracious, it seems as if there is a *new* dog at that other place...where is K-9? (just breathless from my arrival, no time yet to trackback) Who is is "hond" in that ole' rotweiller's yard?

Next thang I see is the Bird Flu...but sweetness, didn't you leave poor ole' Chicken Little off your list?

But about your polar bears and and global swarming? Hee hee, I do chuckle over all that "warm air" of whatever orifice over a silly ole' theory of global meltdown. Reminds me of mah favorite bumper sticker: "Visualize whirled peas" Naturally it is most rib tickling on those Rover Ranger things...

and you know mah feelin's on that Japanese treaty that nobody who was anybody signed but they all want poor Uncle Sam to put the noose over his neck. Heh, not too likely dear. When I am not so tuckered out, puddin' I'll help ya'll understand what is really, really afoot on that
trick 'n treaty. ( I have a connection high on the totem pole in D.C. OOPs, can I say " totem" without Cochise a commin' for my scalp???)

Well, toodle doo, dear, I must drop the Contesssa a note too and then get mah ole' bones to bed! I shur did miss you all.

(who the dickens is hailpig? Thangs are becoming a veritable zoo!)

You ever lovin' Aunty Belle

Pete Bogs said...

tc - who's conservative here? well, except warthog from hell I mean...

Aunt B - welcome back... I hope all is well... yes, I continue to blog on a wide variety of topics... word to the wise - tomorrow's (Weds) post might make you blush...

Pete Bogs said...

PS - Freya is K9's bitch... he's on vacation. so she took over...

Blue said...

Bogs,

Pls help I have some questions:

1. Do the polar bears ever drink diet carbonated beverages? Or 'zero' sugar beverages?

2. Do polar bears get diabetes?

3. If ice takes up more room than water (expansion) then why does the melting of them cause the oceans to rise? Allowing for displacement of huge icebergs, the water levels should stay the same....

fatty ~ said...

penguins would not make good waiters... they're really smelly and they make too much noise... Cept for the emperor penguins - though they always seem so busy...

if polar bears are wreaking such havoc on the arctic - i can't imagine what is melting the south!

wolf-snaggle-tooth said...

this is seriously cabbage patch humour...
Its shit!
you wanna jest on the worlds tidal change do it in your granparents ear..
when the tides come & wash your familys away I'll be jesting at the fat white bald bloke swimming for his life... & his offspring..
your computer is killing my choclate fondue set sabastien>>

Hellpig said...

wolf-snaggle-tooth said... "when the tides come & wash your familys away I'll be jesting at the fat white bald bloke swimming for his life..."

In case you didn't notice you live on an island,only thing you will be watching is the digestive track of a shark

"this is seriously cabbage patch humour...
Its shit!"


Yet you took the time to post,judging by your pic I think your a closet Cabbbage Patch collector..TRY E-BAY

Pete Bogs said...

BB, here are my answers:

1) not sure about the diet drinks, but they still have as much carbonation...

2) I will have to watch for amputee polar bears...

3) all I can think is the part of the iceberg above the surface is melting and raising the water level... or maybe someone left a faucet on somewhere... you seem to know more about this than I...

fatty - good question... ask BB...

snagglepuss - sorry, cabbage patch is lost on me... is that the dance or the doll? this falls under the banner of "satire" as you see on my homepage banner... very little is off-limits with satire, which makes its points in a comic way... no one's making you read it anyhow...

"Aaa-oooo, werewolve, of London..."

Pete Bogs said...

PS - does this pint glass make me look "fat," as snagglepuss says? hmm... well, I am not switchint to light beer!

Anonymous said...

Bogs said,
"word to the wise - tomorrow's (Weds) post might make you blush..."

OK Dahling, Aunt Belle will skip over you for a day or two...but you know I adore you even if your manners are still developing.
Aunty Belle

P.S. I gotta figure out how to get a blog place of my own somehow. Maybe I can have cuzzin McAfee's boy come on over heah and set me up.

Pete Bogs said...

Aunt B - manners don't figure into it... I was raised a gentleman... however, BogsBlog is my personal free speech zone... I cover a wide range of topics, in no particular order... sometimes it's politics, sometimes it's religion, sometimes it's more corporeal in nature... so, just be aware, BogsBlog is like a box of chocolates...

Bird said...

Everything is connected - those damn bears and their belching create global warming, and in turn, that affects the cost of a cowboy hat.
http://www.csmonitor.com/2006/0221/p20s01-ussc.html?s=u2

Pete Bogs said...

only wear synthetic cowboy hats! no fur, right freya?

Bush probably wears a hat made of clubbed baby seals from Canada when he's home in Crawford (i.e. White House West)

fatty ~ said...

the making of ur synthetic cowboy hats also contributes to global warming!

Pete Bogs said...

true, fatty... from now on, it's no cowboy hats for anyone... I can live with that...

Hellpig said...

yo wolf what are you doing outta your cage bitch,I told you that the next time you spouted off,the nightly anal probes will be KY'less,remember how long it took for your ass to heal last time..