This is about a subject that’s very near and dear to me: The Big Man Downstairs.
I once thought circumcision of infant males was “settled law,” at least in most countries. But apparently it’s not a given.
One former coworker of mine decided not to have his baby boy “cut,” as he said it would traumatize the child. He explained that babies scream bloody murder when they’re being circumcised; considering they react the same way to hunger or dirty diapers, can we really be certain what they’re crying about?
Here’s my traumatic scenario for that youngster: He's in high school, and a cute classmate is about to "make him a man." She gets one look at his uncut alien appendage and says, “You’re not putting that thing in any part of me!” Then she tells all the girls at school about it.
Thanks, Dad and Mom. You guys rock!
There are some grown men out there who feel they were robbed of their little head-hiding hoods when they were just defenseless infants. Helpless babies skinned alive? Oh my!
Some of these guys have gone as far as being “restored,” which entails the grafting of skin onto the, um, unsheathed area. The procedure requires a series of surgeries and costs a minimum of $10,000.00.
Dudes, wtf? Do you want your umbilical cords reattached, or your fontanelles reopened? Leave that thing alone already. It's a done deal.
Should still-uncircumcised men do something about their condition? I’m not going to touch that one now, or ever.
What I will say is that I’m personally grateful my parents made the decision for me. Not only do I not need that appendix of the nether regions, I don’t cherish the thought of having to face a knife-job below the belt as a knowing adult.
I would also like to give thanks and a special shout-out to Jews for popularizing this wonderful practice. To them I say sláinte, which is Irish for, “That’s bris, baby!” (Loosely translated.)
I realize there are cultural differences regarding circumcisions, but right or wrong, a guy growing up in the US (for one) nowadays is likely to have a stigma attached to him if that extra skin isn’t detached from him.
Coming Friday: The female counterpart to this topic.