Thursday, December 15, 2005

You’ll Never Work, Eat, Bank, Shop, Sleep, Drive, Etc. In This Town Again!

If you’re a devotee of right wing activist/psychologist/multimedia star Dr. James “Dobby” Dobson, listen up: Just about every financial institution, store, restaurant or hotel you deal with loves gays and hates your family.

Dobby just published a list of companies which are “leading the charge to re-engineer society and bring about the normalization of homosexuality, bisexuality, transgenderism, and a fundamentally redefined family structure.”

Phew! And I thought Kraft just made tasty cheeses!

The list is intended to help the faithful choose their purchases, affiliations, etc. wisely. They wouldn’t want to inadvertently support the vast corporate “pro-homosexual agenda” that’s overtaking the country, after all.

The upshot of the list is basically, if you want to keep your money out of gay pockets, your only option is to just stop doing stuff. I mean, like, everything. This is an extensive list, folks.

At the top of the list, which ranks each company based on its level of gay-friendliness, is financial services giant JP Morgan Chase. Get those scissors out and cut up your credit cards – lest some of your money end up funding a Frisco bathhouse!

Blacklists (or in Dobby’s case a better name might be “ROY G. BIV lists”) are once again becoming popular with the fanatical-paranoid crowd. Multimedia loudmouth Bill O’Reilly recently published an “enemies” list and encouraged his listeners not to do business with them.

Next up: Joe McCarthy and Roy Cohn are going to be brought back to life through cloned DNA, and will provide the FBI with a list of commies, pacifists and everyone who’s ever donated some spare change to the SPCA. (Anti-war groups and animal rights groups are high on the FBI’s terror watch list – no joke!)

In publishing his list, Dobby is in actuality saying, “These entities are not as bigoted as I am, and that’s unacceptable.” He and all his Focus on the Family cohorts should be ashamed.

Should Dobby do a second list featuring the names of individuals, I’d like to have my name added to it.


presidentbobo said...

And the war on tolerance continues... Jesus, I wish Jesus wasn't such a cold-hearted bigot. The old Jesus was all about peace and love...then the 60s were over and he became a corporate shill. The new Jesus makes lists of his loyal supporters...and like the U.S. Military and the FBI - he also makes lists of his enemies. You don't want to be on that second list. Those on the second list are in for a plague of locusts, transgendered toads and inflamed, tongue-wagging churchies.

Paddys_Gal said...

Dobson is a lunatic.

Pass me that big bowl of Fritos, please.

Pete Bogs said...

it seems many in the religious right have only read select passages from the Bible... these lists certainly aren't in there anywhere... I'm not sure these people will ever realize that you can't "blacklist" gays out of existence!

presidentbobo said...

I guess that when the old "pretending gay people don't exist" trick stopped working the religi-pundits had to think up a new strategy. I guess a hate list is a good way of keeping tabs. Any thrid grader can tell you that the best way to keep track of fiends and enemies is to make a list of each.