Monday, November 28, 2005

Supreme Court Losing Its Marble

The highest hall of justice in our land is crumbling. The most likely cause: a lack of structural integrity.

Today a sizeable piece of marble fell from the fa├žade of the Supreme Court building and landed on the spot where visitors typically wait before admittance to the chambers. Fortunately, no one was standing there at the time.

The exact reason why the 70-year-old piece of marble fell will soon be assessed by a structural engineer; an errant M&M’s parade balloon has already been ruled out, however.

I hope the symbolism of this occurrence isn’t lost on those who are set to confirm or deny Sammy “The Italian Rapscallion” Alito’s nomination to the Supreme Court in January. Indeed, this incident is an omen that reads like a great literary device.

The integrity of the Supreme Court was severely compromised when questionable, radical figures such as Antonin “Dan Hedaya Clone” Scalia and Clarence “They Call Me Mr. Silver!” Thomas were confirmed as justices.

It won't get any better once Alito, who is anti-equality and anti-privacy (for starters), gets inside and takes a jackhammer to our rights, either.