Friday, September 16, 2005

Time Once Again For “The Blame Game,” Starring Pat Robertson!

God is going to send hurricanes to kill Mickey Mouse for allowing gays to ride Space Mountain. Women who want equality are partially responsible for 9/11.

“That’s the sound of Pat Robertson working on the Blame Ga-a-ame…”

Pat Robertson, as paraphrased above, has some interesting notions regarding blame and punishment for all manner of catastrophes – past, present and future.

Were a hurricane to hit Mickey’s landlocked hole in Orlando, as indeed at least one did last year, surely it would be in fulfillment of Robertson’s prophecy. All the heterosexual Orlando business owners who still haven’t replaced their blown-out signage from that storm should head down to the local office of GLAAD and demand recompense immediately!

For their part, 9/11 families need only visit their local chapter of NOW (or the ACLU, among others) for remuneration. Those organizations – as Robertson so adroitly pointed out – are at least partially responsible for ticking God off, causing Him to allow His normal Veil Of Protection over His favorite country to be pierced by freedom-hating heretics.

In the latest internationally broadcast verification of his detachment from reality, Robertson posited that Hurricane Katrina is God’s punishment on the US for legalized abortion. What a tremendous gift it must be to be able to divine the motivations of the Divine!

What I want to know is, why is that acts of nature are unfailingly interpreted as punishment from God, unfailingly for so-called “liberal” tendencies or beliefs? Does God really mete out punishment on such a narrow range of issues?

Is it possible, if you believe in God and His purported tit for tat vengeance policy, that the recent hurricane was God’s retribution on America for the devastating war in Iraq, or our failure to protect His creation by dropping out of the Kyoto Protocol? I doubt it, but it makes as much sense as drowning poor people over an objectionable health policy.

With Katrina, maybe God chose to pile another disaster on President Bush to publicly punish him for leading this nation without a hint of principle or honesty? If so, God’s not familiar with the power of Karl Rove. Bush would never learn his lesson, Rove would start a muckraking campaign against God (Who got high before He created the electric eel and never served in the military), and the see-no-evil GOP faithful majority would buy it all.

But I digress from the star of our show, and his causality expertise.

If I could, I’d ask Pat Robertson what level of transgression is sufficient to warrant Divine payback. Then I’d ask him what he did to make God so mad at him that He denied his pal Pat the 1988 Republican Presidential Primary.

If Pat Robertson got food poisoning after a visit to his favorite restaurant, would he wonder if it was because he had not come to a full stop at a stop sign earlier in the evening, instead of poor kitchen hygiene standards? A weekend in the john could well be God’s lesson to him.

But God wouldn’t do that Pat, nor George, because the Big Man is surely a wealthy, white entrepreneur Who lives in a red state and votes a straight GOP ticket. How convenient when God’s demographics and views directly mirror one’s own!

Pat Robertson is one man who has surely made God – and His retributive policies - in his own image.

9/22 ADDENDUM: some of Pat Robertson's "greatest hits" are mentioned at:

No comments: