Tuesday, August 16, 2005

The Locals Made Sure We Had A Blast At Camp

Cindy Sheehan and her fellow “vigilees” outside President Bush’s Texas ranch got a double-barrel salute on August 15, as a fed up rancher fired a shotgun in the air near their camp. In explanation, the rancher, whom I’ll refer to as Mr. Matlock, said that he was “getting ready for dove season.”

My first inclination is to think that Mr. Matlock is full of something he probably shovels every day as part of his rancher duties. But maybe he was being honest, and was just speaking “metaphorically.”

You see, the dove is a longstanding symbol for peace. He may have been saying, in effect, that he’s declaring war on peace. Or, since it’s hard to wage war on an abstract concept, on the protestors themselves.

So, move over Elmer Fudd! No more waterfowl with comical speech impediments, and no more “wabbits” – it’s dove-hunting season!


“Shh! Be vewwy, vewwy quiet. I’m hunting wadicals.”

The primary purpose of Sheehan’s vigil is to get some face-time with President Bush, but her ultimate goal is to get him to withdraw US troops from Iraq so no more of them are killed, as her son Casey was while serving over there. So, it’s a peace protest of sorts.

No laws were apparently broken with the gunshot, despite its proximity to Sheehan’s camp, as Mr. Matlock was shooting on his own property. And it is Texas, after all. But a few thoughts about the incident come to mind…

Shooting in the air is not the most responsible of pastimes. (Ask anyone who’s been to New Orleans for New Years!) So, what if Mr. Matlock fired the gun on his property, but the bullet landed elsewhere – in the skull of a protestor, for example? What would be the legal ramifications then? I imagine he’d be exonerated (or possibly pardoned by Bush) on the notion that anything (or anyone) is fair game when it comes to protecting your property against strangers (outside agitators, revenuers, liberals and the like).

And another thought: Several days ago Sheehan stated in an interview that the Secret Service warned her she might be considered a security threat if she didn’t leave before a planned presidential drive-by. The motorcade later came and went without incident. I wonder, though, if the Secret Service talked with Mr. Matlock about the security threat he posed. As the vigil “blast” demonstrates, he was packing heat very close to the president’s travel route.

Wait. Wasn’t there a guy with a rifle who did something bad to a president riding in a limo in Texas 40+ years ago? Hmm. Maybe that was just a movie I saw, or something. Or maybe it was an illusion planted in my mind by the liberal media.

Hmm.

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